This Season's Reality TV Winners & Losers, Part 1

Even though The Mole just started up (and I'm watching it, despite the fact that it's sans my man, Anderson Cooper), I marked the official end of the reality TV season with the finale of Top Chef: Chicago last week.

So let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we? Here is my take on the winners and losers of two of the major reality shows (I'll cover others in future posts):


American Idol

Winners: David Cook (duh), David Archuleta, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and the dude that sang "I Am Your Brother"

Obviously David Cook won the title of American Idol, which comes with a recording contract. Now he's everywhere, even earning a "sexy" photo shoot in People magazine and meeting with his "cougar" fans face to face, which kind of creeped me out. But David Archuleta also signed a record deal last week, so he's going to be just fine, too. Not like anyone was worried.

But a surprise winner of this season's AI was Andrew Lloyd Webber, the awesomely freaky composer of a bevy of famous Broadway tunes. When he was going on and on about channeling an "ancient, old glamour puss," well, I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. Let's face it, the vast majority of Americans did not know who this guy was, much less what he looked and acted like. I would've loved to have seen the reactions in households across the country when he came on the screen.

I personally loved every moment he was on the show because he put all other divas to shame. It would've been awesome if they forced him and Mariah Carey up on stage together and made them duke it out for the title of #1 Diva. THAT would've been good TV.

And I don't really need to say why the "I Am Your Brother" guy was a winner, do I? He was the center of a huge spectacle in the finale!

Losers: Jason Castro, Paula Abdul, and David Archuleta's dad

I never liked Jason Castro, and every time he came on screen I would groan. The kid is just an idiot--how did he make it to the final four? I'm still totally bewildered, and I therefore weep for the nation. Someone was voting for him!

I just hope I never see his dopey grin again. And yes, as some of you wrote me before, I do think he looks exactly like a young version of John Travolta in Battlefield Earth (aka: The Scientology Movie).

As for Paula... her major screw-up in critiquing Jason's second performance--before it happened--was unforgivable in my book. I've always brushed aside her loopiness, but her failure to pay attention in that situation really undermined the entire premise of the show for me. At least it was Jason it happened to.

And David A's dad--I think we've all heard the "nightmare stage father" stories. I just hope that young David, who genuinely seems like a nice kid, can escape the grasp of his father before it's too late and he ends up like a male version of Jessica and/or Ashlee Simpson.


The Hills

Winners: Whitney Port, Audrina Patridge, Justin Bobby, Brody Jenner

The Hills never really leaves us, does it? Its 'stars' are still gracing the covers of gossip magazines, are being interviewed on the late-night talk shows, and are returning to the airwaves in a mere two months! And for once, something actually happened on the show last season--fans started seeing Lauren for what she really is--a whiny, spoiled brat. While the other two main characters, Whitney and Audrina, attempted to grow up, gets jobs, and move away from the cattiness of their high school years, LC couldn't let the past go. That's why I'm totally on Team Audrina, and hope she does move out of the Catty House into a place of her own.

Justin Bobby is a winner simply for returning to the show and seeming half-way sober and normal, and Brody is a winner because he's getting his own spin-off, entitled Bromance. It will be interesting to see if the viewership of The Hills will follow Brody's antics when the girls aren't around. I'm betting they won't, but we'll see.

Losers: Spencer, Heidi, LC, Lo

While I fully admit to liking Spencer a teensy bit more this season because he just totally embraced his own jerkiness, didn't apologize for it, and doesn't even bother trying to act like he has any sort of job... that still only brings him up to the "barely watchable" level. The miracle that happened this season is that I found someone I dislike even more than Spencer: Lo. What is up with that girl? She needs to go away--I will seriously stop watching the show (OK, no I won't) if she keeps getting more and more air time. It's obvious that she's very insecure, and she brings out the worst in Lauren. I think they should put LC, Lo, Spencer and Heidi on a remote island and let them fight each other for survival. Maybe with Mariah and Andrew Lloyd Webber thrown in just for kicks. Now that is a show I would enjoy!

- e