How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Breaking Bad

It was the same thing every Sunday night. I'd let out a dramatic sigh as my Facebook and Twitter feeds were overrun by friends and acquaintances heaping praise upon one (or several) of the following shows: Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones, The Good Wife, Girls, True Blood, Newsroom, The Killing, and/or Revenge.

But I didn't follow any of these shows. Not a one.

Most people are surprised by how little TV I watch. I guess since I'm generally up on most pop-culture-related buzz, there's an assumption that I tune in to every hit series. But the last true drama (meaning no sci-fi/fantasy component) I watched regularly was ER—and that was only during its peak in the late '90s. What can I say? Dramas just aren't my thing.

(If you don't care about my history with Breaking Bad and just want to talk about predictions for the finale and next year, click here to jump down in the post.)

After we had our son in late January, my husband was looking for shows he could stream from his iPad to watch when he was on Desmond Duty. He, too, had heard all the hype about Breaking Bad and decided to give it a try. Because, you know, when you have a newborn, the first thing that comes to mind and seems most relatable is a show about cooking meth. (Plus we'd already rented Game of Thrones on DVD and neither of us had any interest in the other series listed above.)

So my husband starts watching Breaking Bad, but I refused to. I refused for the exact same reason I avoid watching the news: I figured it would depress the hell out of me. A show about a high school teacher who starts cooking meth because he's dying of cancer and wants to ensure his family can survive financially after he's gone? Yeah, that sounds like a GREAT time.

What's more, I am also absolutely terrified of meth-heads. Not that I've ever come into contact with any, but the "before/after" pictures of addicts I've somehow failed to avoid over the years are hard to shake. In short, I thought the series would be much too dark for my delicate psyche to handle.

So there my husband would sit, feeding Des and watching Breaking Bad off to the side. Or he'd watch it while Des was sleeping. And there I would sit, ten feet away on the couch, listening. Listening but not seeing. And dammit if I still didn't get sucked in. I'd be like, "Who's that talking now? Is that the brother-in-law?" "What just happened? I heard a gunshot!" "So wait, are those two women who are talking right now sisters?" And so on. To say this annoyed my husband is putting it lightly. Eventually he refused to respond because I was, in fact, being ridiculous.

But I continued on-and-off in listen-only mode for the show's first three seasons, which were all that was available through our streaming service in early 2012. (Random side note: I CANNOT BELIEVE Breaking Bad had a two-year overlap with LOST?!? That boggles my mind. I feel like the hype went mainstream this past year and was therefore stunned to learn the series had been on since 2008. (P.S. I'm right: scroll down to "Search Insights" on this page—the fandom didn't start heating up until October 2011, and the biggest push came this calendar year.))

When Season 4 arrived on streaming services (which was the same day the Season 5 premiere was going to air on AMC this summer), I still didn't give in. But once I started seeing all the crazy-excited Breaking Bad tweets in my feed again, I finally relented and started watching Season 4 a few episodes in alongside my husband, after Des was sleeping. We were simultaneously DVRing the current season to watch once we'd gotten through Season 4.

So I caught most of Season 4, am up-to-date on Season 5, and have been spending the last month getting through one or two episodes per night from the earlier seasons.

A funny story on that front: At the start of August I was watching the Season 1 finale late at night while Des was asleep and my husband was at Lollapalooza. All of a sudden I get this text from him: "I just met Jessie Pinkmen (sp?)"

PAUSE.

WHAT?!?

So I text back asking for details, and it turns out that Aaron Paul (the Emmy award-winning actor who plays Jesse... and my #1 celeb crush these days) was at Lollapalooza with his fiancée and randomly came up to my husband (who was alone at that point) and asked him a question. My husband was so stunned that he was just like, "You're Jesse Pinkman!", and Aaron laughed and walked away. My husband intensely regrets not asking for a picture.

Since Jesse is my favorite character, to say I was green with envy, sitting alone in my pajamas on my recliner WATCHING Breaking Bad... while at the very same moment my husband was MEETING the guy who plays Jesse, is an understatement. But I digress.

So, I'm currently on episode 3 of Season 3. And I am just so, so ecstatic I started watching this show. For the first time in two years, I get excited for (and nervous about) an episode of TV. For the first time in two years, I'm talking about characters like they're real people. Meaning that Breaking Bad is the first show I've truly cared about since LOST, as different as the two series might be. I think the reason I feel this way, of course, is because the writing and acting are so excellent, and I care what happens to ALL of the characters more than the storyline (which was the case with LOST as well).

Is it dark? Sure, in parts. But not at all in the way I feared. I thought the whole thing was going to be about drugs and meth-heads and this dude dying of cancer. In reality it's about relationships, greed, ego, and so, so much more. (Like science! And magnets!) When there's violence that stems from drug-dealers/bad guys fighting with each other, I am not fazed (even though I usually cover my eyes at those points).

There are only two episodes so far that have troubled me: 1) Peekaboo (because it focused on a meth-addicted couple and their kid, though I guess in a way it had a "happy" ending), and 2) this season's Dead Freight, because of what happens in the final seconds. Maybe there will be something in the rest of Season 3/early Season 4 that shakes me to the bone, but I'm in too deep to stop now!

If you haven't gotten the gist of this post yet, it's that I highly recommend this series. If it's not your thing, you will know by the end of the second or third episode and then you've only spent a few hours of your life checking it out. And if, like me, you already know some of the major plot points and twists, it doesn't matter. I knew pretty much everything about the show from what I'd read of friends' comments online, and it didn't dampen my enjoyment of the series one bit. I wasn't SHOCKED by anything since I had heard what was going to happen, but was still on the edge of my seat all the same.

PREDICTIONS

So here's what I think could happen in tomorrow night's mid-season finale, as well as the final 8 episodes next year. Along with what I WISH would happen. If you're one of the many people I know who's currently catching up on the series, you've been forewarned that there will be spoilers on Seasons 1 - 5 ahead!

It's probably easiest to just go through the main characters, huh?

Hank: For the record, I love Hank. And I want him to "win" in the end. And I always thought that the mid-season finale HAD to close with the audience seeing that the light bulb has finally gone off in Hank's mind. I envisioned this "Holy. Shit." look coming over his face... and then the end credits rolling.

But after thinking about it some more, as well as watching Season 3's Episode 2 (Caballo sin Nombre) last night, I'm not so sure. What happened in that Season 3 episode is that Walt was freaking out to Saul (yet another classic character—his "We The People" office is one of my favorite things) about how Skyler might go to the DEA. And Saul was like, "Your brother-in-law will look like the biggest idiot ever if you were right there under his nose the whole time." And he makes a good point.

So maybe Hank will never figure it out, and the moral of the story is that sometimes the bad guys win. Or maybe Hank WILL figure it out, but then instead of being the hero, he'll suffer the consequences of not having made the connection immediately over a year ago. Either way, I started to doubt that anything along these lines will happen tomorrow night, because we already know that a year from now, Walt is still being shady (and looking like he's preparing for a huge showdown) from the opening scene of Season 5. Walt was turning 52 in that scene (unless that part was just an act, but I doubt it), which is about a year from the present time... even though the first 4.5 seasons only spanned one year in total. Does it seem impossible to anyone else that Hank could figure out that Walt is Heisenberg RIGHT NOW and then have Walt still be around in a year?


All I know is that Hank better still be alive in the series finale. They already killed off my second-favorite character last week. Which, on a related note, everyone saw coming from a mile away, right? Didn't make it any less gut-wrenching, though. (On the "talking about characters like they're real people" front, I found myself begging a friend to agree with me that Mike's granddaughter would still end up getting the money he left for her. My friend disagreed. Boo.)

I do fear that Walt will end up killing Hank if he finds out that the DEA is on to him, though. I really, really, REALLY hope that doesn't happen. If the showdown Walt's preparing for in the flashforward is in fact with the DEA, then I'm sure at least some of Hank's friends (like "Gomie") are going to go down, even if Hank survives.

Skyler: I've been shocked by how much Skyler Hate is out there. Granted, I'm missing a HUGE piece of her backstory right now since I haven't watched Season 3. But still, especially after that fantastic but scary-as-hell scene between her and Walt earlier this season where he's like, "What exactly are you going to do?" and then he was shooting down all of her schemes, I don't know how anyone could side with Walt. Or not be scared for Skyler and the kids.

Since she and Jesse finally had some scenes together this season, and since they shot each other a really weird look at the car wash in the last episode, my hope is that they eventually work together to bring down Walt. Whether or not they involve Hank is anyone's guess—they probably wouldn't. But I think if Jesse ever realizes how much Walt has manipulated him, he might find a friend in Skyler.

Finally, I do not think she'll die by the end of the series.

Jesse: Will Jesse ever find out what Walt did to Brock... or Mike? He never found out that Walt let Jane die, so maybe Jesse will always remain in the dark about everything, and therefore will always give Walt the benefit of the doubt, and that will be his ultimate downfall. I certainly don't think that—even with as maniacal as he's become—Walt would ever kill Jesse. What's been interesting to me as I watched the end of Season 2 this past week is how much Walt has gone out of his way to save Jesse in the past. Which reminds me, I did forget about another troubling scene: When Walt goes in to the crack-house place (while Mike waits in the car, shortly after he was first introduced on the series) to find Jesse and then takes him to rehab after Jane's death. Would Walt do something like that for Jesse today? I actually think he still would. I can't explain it.

This might just be my personal hopes coming through, but I really don't believe they'll kill Jesse off, ever. Especially since the show's creators had actually planned to kill him at the end of Season 1, but then realized how great the dynamic between Jesse and Walt was. I mean, can any of you imagine the show without Jesse? To me, the show is about Walt and Jesse's relationship just as much as it is about Walt's descent into ego-driven drug-kingpin evil.

So my guess for Jesse is that he will get indisputable proof that Walt has screwed with him or was responsible for Brock's poisoning and/or Mike's death, and that will be the final straw. Jesse will get in touch with Skyler and she'll be the brains behind Walt's take-down, which may or may not have to do with the flashforward scene where Walt's got a trunk full of weapons.

Walt: I encourage you to watch the series premiere again at some point before the final 8 episodes air next year. Walt was such a huge, dorky goof in the first season. And he really did have the best of intentions. But I don't think there will be a happy ending for him in any way, shape, or form. He already seems to not care about his family anymore at all, which was the entire reason he started cooking meth in the first place. For him to refuse to admit the danger he's put his children in is beyond idiotic. And in last week's episode, specifically during its final heartbreaking moments, Walt showed major signs of cracking. As poor Mike's bleeding out, Walt has a conversation with himself, totally distraught, as he realizes aloud he "could've gotten the names from Lydia." The man is starting to lose it.

Another example of this is how he made that kid Todd his apprentice. Who else thinks that Todd is MUCH smarter than he's letting on? The guy is freakin' writing down notes about how to make the Heisenberg Special, for God's sake. Once he learns the method, why would he need old man Walt around anymore?

But once again, we KNOW Walt is still kickin' a year from now, so perhaps Todd is going to be yet another person who suffers after eventually trying to cross Walt. Or maybe he'll be there by Walt's side in the finale. No idea.

If I was forced to guess, I'd guess Walt WILL die by the series finale. No jail, no trial, he's just gonna die. The great irony would be if it was because his cancer came back rather than any of his meth-related dealings, but I don't think that'll be the case. He's got a full head of hair back in the flashforward. While I don't think Walt would ever kill Jesse, I DO think Jesse could possibly be driven to kill Walt if he found out about Brock or Mike.

Unlike LOST, Breaking Bad isn't the kind of show where you can really come up with outlandish predictions and theories that actually might play out. I don't feel like I've written anything above that most fans haven't thought as well. We're talking about who's going to survive and who's going to die and whether or not Walt will ever be caught, and that's about it. Having said that, I would LOVE to hear any of your spoiler-free theories (are there spoilers out there for this show, even? I don't know, but if there are, please be cool and don't post them here) in the comments section. And yes, I'll probably post about Breaking Bad again at some point after tomorrow night's mid-season finale. ENJOY IT!

By the way, did you guys know there's a REAL Walter While who cooks meth and is on the run in Alabama right now? Whoa.

I guess I better try to end this on a lighter note. Fellow Jesse/Aaron Paul fans, CLICK HERE!

- e

Prometheus

Some people can't wait to see Prometheus because it's a Ridley Scott movie. Some people can't wait to see Prometheus because it's a Ridley Scott movie that, in his words, "shares some of the same DNA" as Alien. (Just call it a prequel already, brotha!) Some people can't wait to see Prometheus because of its stellar cast, which includes Noomi Rapace (the original Girl With the Dragon Tattoo), Michael Fassbender (fully clothed this time, folks—sorry!), Charlize Theron, and Idris Elba (also both fully clothed—double-sorry). Some people can't wait to see Prometheus because its ever-present ads and trailers are making it look like a Not To Be Missed Epic Summer Movie. And still others can't wait to see Prometheus because they will always support anything Damon Lindelof (co-creator of LOST and co-writer of the film in question) does. Needless to say, I was a part of that latter bunch.

I went to a press screening of the film last week and have been DYING for others of "my kind" (read: LOST nerds, or just nerds in general) to see it so that we can discuss. The funny thing is that I can't say I was a big fan of the movie overall. But, as with LOST, Prometheus left me pondering some big questions that I was still debating with my husband three days later. And there's certainly something to be said for that.

So it's about a team of people on a spaceship (Prometheus) who have traveled for the past few years (frozen so they're not aging) toward a planet that two archaeologists (Noomi and a jerky guy played by Logan Marshall-Green—completely unconvincing as a romantic couple) think might be the home of the "Engineers." The Engineers, this couple believes, are aliens that created human beings. Noomi and her man want to asks these aliens some questions.

Well that's all fine and good, but one example of the sloppiness in the story was that the rest of the crew learns what the mission is about AFTER they've woken up from years in hibernation and are about to step off the ship. Huh? Wouldn't that kind of presentation be given before anybody even boarded the spacecraft?

So they get to the planet and, as you can guess (or know from the trailers), all hell ends up breaking loose. As things unravel, there were some scenes that seemed—like the presentation sequence referenced above—a bit amateur. Would someone EVER really think it wise to get up in the grill of an alien creature and not expect to be attacked? I mean, come on. How cliche. What's more, an entire subplot having to do with the Weyland Corporation seemed pointless. Did Guy Pearce's character (CEO of Weyland) and Charlize's character (a Weyland employee overseeing the mission) really need to involved at all? All that was a distraction. And don't even get me started on a certain character's miraculous ability to MOVE—much less walk, run, shoot, or fight—after a very invasive and urgent, um, surgery.

There were other scenes, however, that I found to be creative (I'm talkin' 'bout holograms) and chilling (pretty much everything having to do with Fassbender's android David) and memorable. Noomi Rapace is definitely a star. Everything looked stunning, too, and I didn't even mind the 3D for once. And finally, as I mentioned earlier, I thought the Big Questions Prometheus raised kept my mind whirring enough that I was still toying with ideas from the film days later and am anxious to hear others' thoughts about them now.

Here are a few to chime in on in the comments, if you'd like. I'll write these in a non-spoilery way in case anyone who hasn't seen the film yet is hangin' around.

1) What was your interpretation of the opening sequence?
2) Why do you think David (the android/Fassbender) did what he did?
3) Was your interpretation of what the Engineers were planning to do the same as the characters'? (Mine wasn't.)
4) What exactly do you think was in all of those black cylinder thingies? (I have an opinion but am curious as to what others think.)

If you read this in order for me to tell you whether or not Prometheus is worth seeing, my answer is yes. Yes, it's worth seeing on the big screen in all of its glory, but lower your expectations because I don't think it will be going down in the history books as a sci-fi classic.

- e

Snow White and the Huntsman

"Are there dwarfs in it?" my husband asked.

"What do you mean, are there dwarfs in it? Of course there's dwarfs, it's the Snow White story," I scoffed.

"But it's Snow White and the Huntsman so I figured it was just about those two," he replied.

"No. If you are talking about Snow White at all then there's going to have to be dwarfs. Always."

End of conversation.

(Random side note: Lord of the Rings mastermind J.R.R. Tolkien was responsible for popularizing the alternate spelling "dwarves." These are the useless facts you learn in my line of work.)

So yes, in case you were also wondering, there ARE dwarfs in Snow White and the Huntsman, and they're one of the best things about the film, especially since they're played by the likes of Ian McShane, Nick Frost, and Bob Hoskins, to name three of the seven.

But the crazy visuals and special effects are, by far, THE best things about the movie. They're also responsible for the scene which started to sour my experience, but I'll get to that later. First things first, however: the plot. Yes, it's basically the same Snow White story you've always known, except the Huntsman plays a much greater role and the ending is a little different.

Charlize Theron rocks as the Evil Queen, and the most spectacular scenes involve her using black magic to turn things into, um, other things. Mind-blowing sequences—truly impressive effects work. If you're into that sort of thing, then it's worth seeing on the big screen for those effects alone. Alas, Kristen Stewart had no business being cast as Snow White. I totally flipped out in early 2011 when I learned she'd landed the lead role, and my gut feeling was correct. It's not like she's an awful actress or anything, but she just DOES NOT have the pure, innocent, singing-with-forest-animals vibe that Snow White needs to have. And Chris Hemsworth was fine as The Huntsman, but I felt like he was essentially still playing Thor. 

So what went wrong for me? Over halfway through the film there's a scene that's very effects-heavy, and it just changed the entire tone of the film too sharply for me. It's like SWatH went from being a respectful—though darker—retelling of the Snow White fairy tale to all of a sudden jumping into cheesy Rainbow Brite territory or something. It was really, really bizarre. I also felt like director Rupert Sanders was trying too hard to make the film seem "epic." There were at least three different "single-file line of drastically different-sized people trekking through mountainous landscapes" scenes that smacked of Lord of the Rings wannabe-ness. So what had started out as an enjoyable take on the beloved fairy tale (and believe you me, I'm a huge HUGE fairy tale fan, as I mentioned in my post about Once Upon a Time) deteriorated into a Huh? What? kind of experience by the end.

The bottom line: If you can't get enough of awesome special effects, then you might find this one worth seeing in the theater because it's not like it's a horrible movie overall or anything. But if your money and time are precious to you and/or limited, then I'd wait to rent it. It's worth checking out at some point because of the effects and the mostly good cast. I just wished they'd picked a different Snow White.

Wrath of the Titans

Hello my dear friends -

Here I am again, apologizing for not having posted in so long. But I have good news: my transition to setting up a home office (I've been writing from my kitchen table since I left The Man in 2007, remember) is almost complete, I now have a wonderful nanny who is helping me out with Desmond (What's that? You didn't know I had a kid in January? Get all the details here!), and I'm soon going to make it a top top TOP priority to write at least five times a week here on According to e. Go ahead and make bets with each other as to whether I'll stick to my word this time. I WILL DO IT, and if you bet against me YOU WILL LOSE!

(But seriously, I don't actually blame you if you bet against me. I know I've made this sort of proclamation before...)

So here's a bit of good news to kick off this next chapter of According to e: I started writing for Redbox again at the beginning of March and couldn't be happier about it. I'm doing more behind-the-scenes stuff this time around, but every once in a while I'll be posting movie reviews on their blog. Like this one I did on The Hunger Games.

Today, however, we've got Wrath of the Titans to talk about. Since my time is very precious these days now that little Des has arrived, I'm being extra choosy about which film screenings I attend. Perhaps that's why my husband was surprised that I wanted to go to the Clash of the Titans sequel. "Really?" he asked when I made him promise he'd be home from work in time for me to head to the theater. "Yeah, I liked the first one—I love all that Greek myth stuff."

And that's the truth. 2010's Clash remake was totally over-the-top ridiculous, but who cares? It had a Kraken and Pegasus and Zeus. I was down with it, despite my hatred of 3D. So I was looking forward to Wrath of the Titans for all of those same reasons (well, there's no longer a Kraken, but there ARE tons of Greek gods, on top of Chimeras and Cyclops (what's the plural of Cyclops?)!). But little did I know that the absolute best thing about the screening would be The Hobbit trailer that played beforehand—in 3D. Let me tell you, it was incredible. It brought tears to my eyes, no lie. I cannot wait until December 14.

So The Hobbit trailer alone is worth the price of admission for Wrath. But I liked the main feature as well, thankfully. It's one of those nonstop action flicks whose dialogue is shameful, so the reason you go to this one is to just zone out and escape into another world for a few hours. It even has major drinking game potential: if you dare to sneak some flasks into the theater and take a sip every time a character says "my brother" or "my son," you will definitely be drunk within 30 minutes—apparently the writers did not think we'd be able to keep the gods' family tree straight.

Zeus to Hades: "My brother, why are you so mean?"
Poseidon to Zeus: "My brother, are you OK?"
Zeus to Perseus: "My son, why won't you join us?"
Ares to Zeus: "My father, why do you like Perseus better than me? Waaa."

OK, so that's not actual dialogue from the movie, but it's pretty damn close and you get my point about the "my brother" stuff. I wish I'd counted how many times brother, father, or son was uttered.

BUT I DIGRESS and it's all good because: 1) the effects are stellar, and 2) this new guy (Toby Kebbell) who plays the demigod Agenor is like a funnier, less annoying Russell Brand, and 3) Sam Worthington is totally cute (and the chick who plays Andromeda, Rosamund Pike, provides the eye candy for the fellas), AND 4) there are the aforementioned mythical beasts.

As with its predecessor, Wrath seems like it would've been more at home during the summer movie season rather than its random March 30 release date. But since we've already had a string of record-breaking warm temps here in Chicago and elsewhere across the country, maybe it kind of already IS summer, at least in our heads.

If you see Wrath of the Titans, let me know what you thought of it. AND of The Hobbit trailer, of course.

- e

The Reef Atlantis -- Our Room and Beach

This year my husband and I were faced with a dilemma: should we attempt to stick with our tradition of going on a vacation in the fall, or skip it because of my pregnancy? (And I do realize this isn't really a true dilemma per se, but rather a really nice problem to have.)

As I alluded to in Monday's post, I haven't exactly had the easiest time with things, so I was really paranoid about being far away from my doctors in Chicago. Yet I also knew it was important to not let all of my fears about something going wrong overpower what should be a happy time, or deter us from experiencing something that a lot of "normal" pregnant couples take part in nowadays—a babymoon.

We eventually made the decision to go ahead with a trip, but I had a ton of criteria that our ultimate destination had to meet, the main points being: 1) We had to be able to get there by taking no more than two short (less than three-hour-long) flights, 2) There had to be a doctor on site, and 3) it had to count as a place we'd never been before on the Travelers' Century Club's List of Countries. (One of our ultimate goals in life is to become members of this club, and to do so you have to hit 100 places on their spreadsheet. I currently have 41 or so checked off.)

The Bahamas immediately became the obvious choice. It's the closest of the Caribbean islands from the US, it's one of the few places in that area I hadn't been to yet, and I knew that the Atlantis resort there was big enough to warrant an on-site medical team. We waited until the ultimate last minute to book the trip (they had an incredible "off-season" deal that expired at the end of August, good for travel during the fall), which did come into question briefly thanks to Hurricane Irene wreaking havoc across the region a few weeks before we were set to depart.

But we ended up going in the middle of September and had exactly the kind of vacation we were hoping for: relaxing days at the beach (with things for Dustin to do while I lounged) and nice dining options every night. We would typically never choose to stay at a monstrous resort like Atlantis, and we'd been prepared for the worst based on online reviews and some of our friends' experiences. In the end, however, we totally lucked out because not only were we there during the lowest point of the low season (there were probably even fewer people around than would've otherwise made it there had the recent hurricane not scared them off), but we'd also randomly chosen to stay at The Reef, which was by far the quietest of the towers on the property. It's the furthest away from the center of the complex and is mostly comprised of for-sale condos, so there just wasn't anyone around. And that's exactly what we were hoping for.

We had a small suite that was just the right size. I couldn't NOT share the picture of our bed with the ten bazillion extra pillows I'd requested to assist with my weird pregnant-chick sleeping positions. The cleaning staff must have thought we were freaks:



To give you an idea of just how secluded The Reef's beach was (our tower had its own private beach, far away from the main complex's beach), here's a picture of all of the empty rows of beach loungers (with our two pulled away from the pack—that's my husband on the left!):


And here's a picture looking the other way down the beach. You can see a cruise ship in the distance:


Can I also just say that the water was some of the warmest I've ever been in? I usually take—no exaggeration—about 30 full minutes to get into any body of water. But I was able to wade right in at The Reef. I swam every day!

More either tomorrow or at a later point about some of the restaurants at Atlantis, as well as its truly impressive water park. Kind of sad to wrap up this post and then look out the window at an utterly dreary Chicago afternoon, though. BOO.

- e

Once Upon a Time: It's No LOST, But It'll Do

First and most importantly, I want to thank everyone who left a kind message on this site, Facebook, or Twitter in response to yesterday's post. I had mixed feelings about writing out such personal stuff and then putting it on display oh-so-publicly, but now I'm glad I did.

So since you're up to speed on some of the bigger things that have been going on with me over the last few months, let's move on to the #1 question I've been asked by fellow LOST fans during that same time period: "What new shows are you watching now that The Best TV Series Of All Time has come to an end?"

What most people find hard to believe is that I really don't watch TV. I think that since my LOST posts were SO LONG, combined with the fact that, in general, I tend to be well versed in all things pop culture, there's just a natural assumption that I tune in to a lot of shows. But the reality is that since I've typically spent about three nights a week in movie theaters at press screenings since mid-2008, and since I've also had a rotating stack of DVDs begging for attention here at home that entire time as well, it just doesn't leave much room for TV. What's more, I don't have any of the cable channels like HBO or Showtime, and I'm just one of those people that hardly ever has a TV on overall—I refuse to watch any sort of news program (I read the news instead) and prefer silence whenever possible, so I'm not one to have shows/commercials/whatever on for background noise. However, I read a ton of entertainment magazines, blogs, Twitter feeds and sites, so I tend to have a handle on what's going on with all of the mainstream/popular TV series, even if I've never once watched them.

The shows I've chosen to keep up with over the years (and by that I mean that I DVR them and then sometimes weeks go by before I'm finally caught up) would admittedly fall into the "COMPLETELY MINDLESS entertainment" category. I think my brain just needed a rest after LOST. So the only shows I've watched with any regularity are Gossip Girl (yay for Chuck Bass!), The Amazing Race (travel/vacation ideas, duh), Survivor (new shades of deviousness never fail to amaze me, even after a decade), Top Chef (I hate to cook but like to learn about and be able to better appreciate good food), The Office (this one may soon get the boot, but I still love Jim at least), and—as embarrassed as I am to admit this—every recent season of The Real World and The Challenge on MTV (doesn't get more mindless than that, folks). That's it. My husband and I usually DVR all of the late-night talk shows as well, but only so that we can pick and choose to watch a specific interview or band/singer's performance that we're interested in.

But there is one show that I picked up this season, and as you already know from the title and graphic in this post, it's Once Upon a Time. I chose this one because: 1) I love, love, love fairy tales, 2) it's from two of the writers of LOST, and 3) it had gotten the thumbs up in advance of its premiere from many of my TV critic pals, like JOpinionated.

I don't foresee myself giving up on this show, despite some of the major problems I have with it, which I'm about to list out for you. But I'll start with the positive: I'm not going to give up on it because I like its core concept too much. All of the characters are living in the present day in this weird town and have no idea that they're actually all major figures from fairy tales. We see LOST-like flashbacks to their fairy-tale existences and learn how those same experiences have now translated into their current situations. It's unique and creative and I've usually found myself shedding a tear at least once an episode—another thing it has in common with LOST!

But make no mistake: Once Upon a Time is no LOST. Not even close. Here are the two main reasons why:

1) It might have the worst special effects I've seen on TV in years. Granted, I've just revealed that I don't watch that much TV so I'm probably not a good judge of what is and isn't acceptable, but so much of OUaT looks amateurishly green-screened or horribly CGI'd or just laughably fake that my husband actually refuses to watch it. I know this isn't the writers' fault, but I certainly hope that since the show has done well in the ratings that ABC will give the production team a higher FX budget going forward. It would help my enjoyment of the series immensely to not be so distracted by the B-movie-looking scenes.

2) There's no one character or actor/actress I'm really digging. As you all know, I immediately loved the character of John Locke on LOST, but also personally identified very closely with Jack from the beginning...and also adored almost ALL of the other characters, with Desmond, Sawyer, Sayid, Hurley, Charlie, Lapidus, Ben and Juliet (and Vincent, dammit!) being other favorites. On OUaT, I'm feeling no such love for anyone. If I HAD to pick a favorite, it would have been the character that was just killed off in this past weekend's episode—d'oh. And don't get me started on the kid, Henry (who's trying to convince everyone of their real identities). A child actor has to be REALLY good to not annoy the crap out of me, and the little guy playing Henry is unfortunately not up to snuff.

But the story's the thing, and that's what OUaT has going for it. I absolutely must know how everything's going to turn out for these characters—not because I really care about any of them individually at this point, but rather because the overall set-up is just so intriguing to me. How will they react when they learn who they really are? Will they remain in our world or go back to fairy-tale land? Are people like Henry and Emma Swan recognizable fairy-tale characters or not? Etc., etc.

I know a lot of you are watching Once Upon a Time, too, and so I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you agree with my gripes above, or am I being too hard on the show? Spoilers are allowed in the comments, of course!

- e

Testing, testing... is this thing on?

I've neglected "According to e" for 4.5 months. What do I have to say for myself?

A lot, actually.

So as to not "bury the lede"—a practice we writer-types tend to frown upon—let me start by sharing my biggest bit of news: I'm pregnant, and this kid is a-comin' next month. Assuming he (yep, it's a boy) decides to stay on schedule, that is.

Didn't my pregnancy go really fast for all of you? Aren't you glad I spared you a bunch of "oh my aching ____ " complaints and posts on stuff that only pregnant chicks care about? You're welcome!

Part of the reason I held off on mentioning this news is that my journey to bring a teeny Lord of the Rings fan into the world has taken four years. Four. Freaking. Years. As you might imagine, that period of time involved many ups and downs, and since the whole experience could very well be the subject of my next book, I'll keep it to myself for now. All that really matters is that my husband and I finally joined the ranks of parents-to-be this spring... and then I felt sick for the majority of the summer. I emerged from the depths of nausea in the fall, and then stupidly proceeded to take on a ton of clients (in addition to my full-time film critic/movie-blogging gig for Redbox) in order to try and make some extra cash before the arrival of "Baba Ghanoush," aka "Baba G," aka The Nickname We Chose Based on a Random Line from Wedding Crashers.

Unfortunately my plan backfired, as I failed to anticipate how incredibly tired I'd be—or that my Feeling Normal Again phase wouldn't last forever. All of this led to me barely being able to keep my head above water. I had no choice but to focus solely on getting my client work done each day, which in turn caused the majority of my family members and friends to assume I'd fallen off the face of the earth for the past few months.

So that's Big Piece of News #1. On to Big Piece of News #2.

As my January due date continued to creep closer and closer, I was forewarned by an increasingly large number of people that my husband and I had no idea what "exhausted" meant... but that we'd be finding out as soon as Baba G makes his debut. We were told this exhaustion would last at least two months, and that I was fooling myself if I assumed that during that time I'd still be able to maintain the level of work (writing an average of two posts a day, in addition to social media responsibilities and attending multiple film screenings per week) I'd been doing for Redbox. Believe it or not, in my 3.5 years of writing for them, I'd only taken off a total of 2 weeks. Not 2 weeks off per year... but 2 weeks off IN TOTAL across 3.5 years. I'd always found way to write during (or in advance of) vacations, on weekends, et cetera, and it just kind of became The Way It Was. I somehow made it work. But I was beginning to doubt that I'd be able to keep up this same pace come early 2012.

As it turns out, a decision on this front was made for me. A week ago my co-blogger Locke and I were informed that the site we'd been writing for (Redblog) was soon going to be managed in-house, and that while we might be asked to help with some one-off projects here and there, our time with Redbox had essentially come to an end. As the company has experienced phenomenal growth and success since we'd been brought on back in 2008, this news wasn't exactly a surprise to either of us, but I'd be lying if I said (speaking only for myself, of course) that the finality of it wasn't a bit of a shock. Even when you suspect something like this is going to happen, you're never really prepared for it to happen, you know, RIGHT NOW.

So I'm currently wading through the Stages of Grief, but I'm also reminding myself that the reason I landed the awesome Redbox gig in the first place is because of the movie reviews I'd been writing on this very site back in the day. The fine folks at Redbox had first been fans of my Long Live Locke blog, and then had noticed that in addition to loving LOST I was also quite a sucker for movies. So they reached out to me after I left the Chicago Board of Trade, and the rest is history. Had I not had the income from my work with Redbox, I probably wouldn't have been able to ride out my three-year quest to become a published author, nor would I have some of the other clients I've been fortunate enough to work with. Nor would I be a proud member of the Chicago Film Critics Association and currently be in the process of watching every last movie made this year in order to fulfill my annual awards-voting obligations (it's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it, as the saying goes).

My point is that while I'm incredibly sad that the weekly movie-screening-and-blogging-centric routine I've enjoyed since I left Corporate America is now drawing to a close, I'm thankful I got to experience it in the first place, and know that my life is about to change in even bigger and better ways. I figure the timing of all this change is probably as perfect as it could ever be, right? And yes, I do intend to once again write about movies on this site, so prepare yourself for a slew of year-end film reviews, Best Of lists, and all that good stuff.

I dare say this post has grown long enough, wouldn't you agree? And to think that I still have to tell you about how I'm finally going to get a home office after four years of writing from my kitchen table. And about our trip to the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. And about my new MacBook Pro. And about the LOST book I'm contributing to. And about all of the new Pet Peeves I've discovered!

So, um, yeah... there's still much that I need to catch you all up on. Stay tuned for lots and lots of posts in the near future. And thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate it.

- e

No Sleep Till... Manhattan

Is there a place where you sleep better than you do in your own bed?

I have two places like this:

1) The inner chambers of a ship.

I discovered this unexpected awesome-sleep phenomenon during my senior-year-of-college Spring Break when I went on a Caribbean cruise. My friends and I shared the cheapest kind of room you could get -- one with no windows that's situated in the bowels of the vessel. I don't know if it was the hum of the engines' motors, the ever-so-slight rocking of the waves, the utter pitch-blackness that comes from having zero natural-light sources, or some combination of those three, but after taking several more of these types of trips in my 20s, I can confirm that I've never slept better than I have on a cruise ship. Ever.

2) Miss M's pull-out couch.

Although my cruising days are most likely behind me, the good news is that I will be revisiting one of my most cherished sleeping spots this coming Thursday and Sunday. When I used to work for The Man and traveled frequently to NYC, I would stay at my friend Miss M's apartment in the West Village and would sleep on her pull-out couch. Now, most pull-out couches are not that great, I will admit. And it's not like M has some crazy futuristic model that makes it superior to the other hideaway options out there. But for whatever reason, I sleep like a frickin' baby when I am at her place. My guess is that it has something to do with the temperature and sound level in her unit, the bed and pillows, and the fact that even when I was there for work, I still associated staying at M's with "vacation." And this weekend's trip IS DEFINITELY for vacation, yippee!


A close runner-up would be Miss M's guest room at her parents' place in the Hamptons, which is where we'll be Friday and Saturday night. My annual visit out there is one of my favorite, if not my #1 favorite, weekends of the year. It's one of about only three places in the world where I've ever truly, 100% relaxed. (Those reading this who know me are aware that it's pretty tough for me to fully chill, even when on vacation.)

So what does all of this mean? That I have FOUR DAYS OF GREAT SLEEP coming my way in the very near future. After a week of freakish storms that kept my dog pacing and crying all night, followed by a weekend of a dog-sitter staying at my upstairs neighbor's condo and letting their puppy run around wildly from, oh, 1 AM - 4 AM, I'd say I'm ready for some shut-eye.

- e

Can't Beat the Heat

Ten minutes ago, there were two firetrucks and an ambulance in front of my place. Not for me, but for an elderly woman who'd collapsed across the street. She collapsed because it's too damn hot outside. There's an "Excessive Heat Warning" in effect, and according to Accuweather's "RealFeel" reading, the temperature here right now is 108 degrees. Which begs the question, Why is anyone outside at all? Stay out of the sun, fools!

Before the paramedics arrived, three people—in addition to a worker from ComEd (Chicago's electricity company) who just happened to be driving by—were assisting the woman. I think at least one member of the group had been with her when she fell. She was down on the ground and they helped her sit up and drink some water. They put what I assumed were wet washcloths on her neck, and eventually a bag of ice (the ComEd guy ran down to the diner on the corner to get that stuff, I think). Later a security guard from a nearby building came out to see what was going on. You could tell this lady was totally out of it—she kept looking around in a daze and then trying to stand up. (And yes, I certainly would have gone out there if there hadn't already been a ton of people on the scene. But they had it under control. If there's one thing I'll say about my neighborhood, it's that there's always someone on the street, at all hours night and day, and almost everyone is friendly and helpful.)

The whole debacle was scary to watch... but what was even scarier was seeing ambulances pass by on their way to help other folks who must have called in earlier for help elsewhere. But soon enough the woman in question had more medical services at her disposal than any one person would ever need, and was promptly whisked away. She looked coherent and was able to stand on her own before they left, so I'm sure she'll be OK. But still, why was she walking around in the blazing sun in the first place?

Even my dog is like, "No, thank you." Normally he loves his midday walk and tries to stretch it out as long as possible by waiting to take care of business until we're as far away from my condo as he knows I'll take him. But not this week. This week he did his thing as soon as we hit a patch of dirt-grass. He is smart enough to know that this weather is no joke. He's even trying to seek out the coolest place possible in our air-conditioned condo, despite the fact that it means going against the rules he's been obeying since 2003. See, normally he is not allowed in our lower level because it has white carpeting... and black dogs who shed a lot don't mix well with white carpeting. He's never had an issue staying upstairs on the hardwood floors...

...But this past week he's been sneaking downstairs to chill on the cold-to-the-touch tiles in our bathroom. Yesterday alone I found him down there ten separate times. It's funny how he just instinctively knows where to go (and it is admittedly SIGNIFICANTLY cooler down there). So for the time being I've decided to just let him stay down there when he wants. And I'm staying where I want, too, which is inside. If you're also in one of the heat-stricken areas of the world, I suggest you do the same, lest you find yourself in the hospital bed next to the woman who went down on my block!

- e

Now That's a Good Neighbor

This past weekend my husband and I were on the road yet again—this time we went to my hometown in Michigan for my cousin's fiancée's wedding shower. It's a five-hour drive from Chicago, and we arrived at my parents' place around 5:30 PM Saturday evening. The shower was set for 2 PM on Sunday. Alas, I was almost back home in the Windy City by that point.

What happened was that I woke up Sunday morning with a nasty case of food poisoning (I guess I was due after avoiding the worst of it when my husband got so sick last month). Although I was really annoyed/upset/disappointed to have come all that way for nothing, ultimately I decided that it wouldn't be cool if I was running out of the room every five minutes while the guest of honor was opening her gifts. We decided to cut our losses and head back immediately—figuring that it would be better to drive during the daytime hours, especially if I got worse and we had to find a hospital.

Thankfully, I didn't get worse, and slept it off after we got home. I spent most of Monday lying low as well, and then finally felt back to 100% yesterday evening, at which point I decided I needed some fresh air.

Like everywhere else in the country, Chicago's been in the midst of a miserable heat wave, and so I thought that since I've been slacking on helping out around my condo building, I would spend some time watering all of our plants and front "lawn" (read: small patch of already mostly dead grass).

So I am spraying the hose around our plants for about fifteen minutes and was feeling very peaceful. The sun was going down, and since I actually like to be hot, I considered the ninety-degree evening pretty perfect.

But then out of the corner of my eye I saw a small gray mass move from the sidewalk in front of our place, through our front gate, and onto our lawn. At first I thought it was a bunny, because 1) it was that big, 2) they usually come out at dusk, and 3) I'd seen one chilling among our plants in the recent past. But as this thing darted across our lawn and into our bushes, I noticed its long tail. That's right, a huge-ass RAT had run past me, within inches of my flip-flop-wearing feet, in what was still pretty much broad daylight. After rustling through our plants, it emerged seconds later to run for cover into the stairwell next to our building.

I must have shrieked (although I don't remember doing so) because a bunch of people walking in front of our place stopped and gave me a look like "Are you OK?"

Now, we're no stranger to rats in Chicago. I will spare any weak-hearted readers the gory details of some of my previous run-ins, but I will say that there's only been a few times in my fifteen years of living here that I've been in really close proximity to one of these guys. Usually I see them from afar, in the alley, and in the dead of night when I'm walking my dog. So I was a bit stunned—and yes, perhaps even slightly impressed—by the boldness of this rat last night. (On a related note, when I was trying to find rat pictures for this post, I realized that Chicago rats are way, WAY bigger than normal rats. I really, really, really wish our rats looked like this cute little guy.)

But back to my front-yard drama. The problem was this: there's no way out of the stairwell that the rat ran into. It's a dead-end. I knew that the rat must eventually come out the same way it ran in. And that would be OK... except that the water valve was also in that enclosed area and the water hose was still running.

Normally I am a semi-brave person. (Really, I am. REALLY!) But last night I was like, "You know what... after this food poisoning debacle and driving ten hours to Michigan and back within a day, I am just not in the mood to be bitten by a rat." Or maybe what went through my head was something more like, "Aww, HELLS NO am I going to get bitten by this #*$%ing rat and come down with some deadly rodent disease! That is not how I'm going to go out!"

My husband had just left to go meet friends for a drink and wasn't going to be back for about three hours. I figured that everything was so dry out front that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to leave the water hose running in the grass and make my husband face the Rat Cave when he returned. But I didn't want my upstairs neighbor to think I'd just abandoned the task randomly. So I called him, explained the situation, and ended with, "I'm sorry, but I've spent the last 24 hours recovering from food poisoning and the last thing I need at this point is to get rabies or some strange rodent disease." Clearly I envisioned the rat not only running out at me, but also actually stopping to bite me.

Now, what you need to know about my neighbor (I will call him "A") is that he is ALWAYS coming to my rescue. It's kind of ridiculous. Since 2003, every time something has gone wrong with our building or inside of my condo, my husband has been gone and I've had to call A to come help me. (My husband swears he doesn't have any sort of sixth sense about this stuff, but I'm beginning to wonder!)

So A confirms that the rat has to run out the way it came in, and that he, too, has had encounters with the little guys back in that same area. But he said that we didn't need to wait for my husband to return—he would come out and face the Rat Cave in order to turn off the water.

Now picture this: A walks slowly into the cubby, reaches the water valve, and turns it off. Then he comes back out, gathers up the hose, and goes back into the cave with it in order to get the coil out of our yard. AND I AM STANDING BEHIND HIM, ARMED WITH TWO SWIFFERS.

In retrospect, I really have no idea what I thought I was going to achieve by having the Swiffers on hand. Did I plan to hit the rat with them? Was I going to throw them? Most likely if I saw the ran run out I would've screamed, dropped the Swiffers, and busted up the steps to our building. But I think the whole debacle provided some entertainment for passersby on our street, that's for sure.

I texted my friend Nerdy P about all of this once I was safely inside, and she wrote back, "You were going to BEAT A RAT, gangsta style!"

And so I would like to thank my neighbor A for helping me out yet again. I'm positive that if *I* would have gone in to turn off the water, the rat WOULD have charged me. Because that's just the kind of luck I've been having lately.

Rest assured I will be buying a little token of appreciation for A very soon.

- e

Close Enough for Now

This past weekend I remembered something that had been tucked away in the back of my mind for a few weeks: An Einstein Bros. Bagels shop had opened just a couple of blocks away from my condo. Longtime readers might recall me mentioning Einstein's before (in the fall of 2007!) because they're the place that sells the pumpkin cream cheese that I stock up on around Halloween each year.

Those same loyal "According to e" visitors might also remember this post from the spring of 2008 in which I professed my love for "Whole Wheat Everything" bagels and complained on and on about how they only seemed to be available in New York.

Unfortunately that's still the case... BUT I'm happy to report that Chicago is inching closer to having a bagel option of the same delicious caliber. When I finally made my way down to the new Einstein's this weekend, I was beyond thrilled to discover that they offer a "Good Grains" bagel which is awfully similar to a "Whole Wheat Everything" bagel. It doesn't have as many types of seeds and salt and whatnot on top, but I was seriously smiling ear to ear nonetheless. This discovery made my day... my weekend... my month! You can bet that I bought a bunch to take home and will be back approximately every 3 days to restock. I am going to keep that place in business, no doubt. They will soon know me on a first-name basis, I am sure of it. (Particularly because you need to tell them your first name with every order.)

I've said it before and I'll say it again: See how little it takes to make me happy?

- e

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Long time, no write!

I've been running around like a madwoman, but things are finally getting back to normal (for a little while, at least... the summer is always crazy-busy -- why is that?). This past holiday weekend was spent NOT going to the Taste of Chicago with my visiting friend Nerdy P. It was just too hot out, and we weren't feelin' it. It sounds like we weren't the only ones: 2011 marked a 25-year low (2.35 million food-lovers) in Taste attendance, and now its future is a little bit up in the air. Yikes!

But rest assured that we did continue our annual tradition of enjoying the Sea Dog speedboat ride that leaves from Navy Pier and zooms up and down the coast of Lake Michigan. I think Nerdy P's son liked it. Would you agree?



OK, now on to the real subject of this post! The weekend before last (as in, the final weekend of June), my husband and I drove from Chicago to Pittsburgh for a charity event, and on the way we stopped in Cleveland to check out the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. When we moved back from Boston in 2003, my poor husband drove a huge truck halfway across the country with all our crap in it (while I flew home) and attempted to visit the HoF then... but it was closed. I still remember how annoyed and disappointed he was. And so I was a little bit nervous about this place living up to his expectations.

The good news is that we both really liked it. We spent about five hours there and could've stayed a lot longer, but needed to get back on the road. The first thing we did was watch an hour-and-fifteen-minute-long presentation that covered all of the 296 inductees since the museum opened in 1986. But somehow we missed the big wall with everyone's signatures?!? D'oh.

I had figured that the majority of the building would be filled with rock memorabilia and outfits and props and whatnot, but in addition to all of that stuff, there were a ton of interactive exhibits and films and video clips. Much more than would be present in a "normal" museum. The one I found most interesting featured The Beatles (no surprise), as well as some members of their production team, talking about each of their albums and what they liked and didn't like about it.

Speaking of The Beatles, you may have heard that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame boasts the world's largest collection of items from The Fab Four. So I was kind of expecting A LOT of Beatles stuff... but it was really just one wall of about 70 things -- from jackets, to John's glasses, to handwritten lyric sheets, to Ringo's drum head. Don't get me wrong, it was cool and I loved it, but I guess I'd envisioned some huge room or display space that would take an hour to get through. When I started thinking about it, though, I realized that I can't recall ever having seen any authentic "Beatles stuff," so maybe it's just so spread out all over the globe that it simply doesn't take as much as I would've guessed to be considered "the world's largest collection."

One thing I found kind of funny was that in the special "Women Who Rock" exhibit, there was security guard dedicated to watching over Lady Gaga's infamous "meat dress." Which, by the way, absolutely (obviously) had something done to it to preserve it... but unfortunately it was to the point that it didn't really even look like meat anymore, but rather just a weirdly textured spray-painted-red, plaster-filled dress. On top of that, it was in a fully enclosed glass case. So I thought to myself, "They have a security guard for this, yet no one dedicated to, say, Michael Jackson's sequined glove or Elvis's jumpsuit or any of the other awesome items in the building?" Weird. Maybe Gaga made having a guard a condition of loaning out the dress. Who knows.

I would've included pictures of all the neat stuff that was there, except that -- as in many museums -- you weren't allowed to take any photos. The restriction was lifted in the atrium, though, which was where I snapped the Moby/Gwen props to the right, which were used in Gwen Stefani's Southside video (you can see them here from the 43-second mark on).

One last highlight that's worth mentioning before I wrap up: A wall dedicated to Rolling Stone magazine and its co-founder Jann Wenner. This display has tons of letters that famous rock stars sent to Wenner (as well as his replies), and there are also fascinating correspondences between Wenner and photographer Annie Leibovitz, as well as journalist/author Hunter S. Thompson (who wrote for the magazine in the early '70s).

When I was preparing to write this post and wanted to make sure I was getting my facts straight, I came across this section in Wenner's Wikipedia entry about how he's supposedly kept a lot of groups from being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame... groups including my beloved Monkees! Damn that snob!

Despite that "who gets inducted" controversy, I would still highly recommend a visit to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame should you ever find yourself in Cleveland. Musicians (like my husband) will probably appreciate all the museum has to offer a little more than plain old music-lovers like myself, but I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't find most of the major exhibits worth seeing.

Rock on,
- e