e's Favorite Things: Earplugs

"Got your earplugs?"

One of my husband's friends asks me this every single time he sees me—it's become something of a running joke. Without fail, I DO have my earplugs.

Several years ago, I started experiencing a kind of painful sensation in my right ear. I'd be somewhere loud for a little while, and then it would be like my ear just couldn't take it anymore and would start crackling... and then everything would break up into static. I equated it to speaker blowing out. I consulted a few different doctors and went through some cool tests at an auditory lab and whatnot, and though they had some term for it that I've long since forgotten, the bottom line was that while my hearing was very good, it was also extremely sensitive. What's weird is that after a bout of blinding migraines in junior high I had my vision checked and was told essentially the same thing about my eyes: great vision, but hypersensitive to light.

This leaves me as someone who will almost always choose to wear sunglasses (cue Corey Hart) and earplugs, on top of trying to avoid brightly lit and excessively loud places. If I think of myself as a vampire whose excellent sight and hearing abilities are finally starting to fail her after the centuries, then I feel better about all of this.

Since my job requires me to be at a movie theaters several times a week, I must always make sure I have earplugs on hand. A few times I've switched purses and then realized to my horror that I'd left my earplugs behind. I've had to make like MacGyver and take concession napkins, fold and roll them up into noise barriers and stuff them into my ears. Once I left some in accidentally and had an entire conversation with a fellow critic after a movie. It wasn't until I went into the restroom that I saw the bright white pointy napkins sticking out of both sides of my head like antennae. That made me feel pretty awesome about myself.

One question I always get is, "Well can you still hear the movie?" And that's the secret I wanted to share with all of you today: you can hear the movie BETTER. What the earplugs do is drown out all of the annoying noises in the theater. People whispering, candy wrappers crackling, popcorn chomping—all gone. The loudest parts of a film, like any scenes with explosions or where the score cranks up to 11, are more muted. But other than that I can hear everything just fine and my ears are never ringing afterward. I'd highly recommend trying it out the next time you go to a movie. If the sound is muted too much for your liking, pull out the earplugs slightly until you find a happy medium.

I pop in earplugs at every concert, every time I use a hair dryer, and at any restaurant that's extra loud. If my son is in a particularly screamy mood, in go the earplugs. Once again, I can still hear everything, it's simply more comfortable and stops my ears from revolting.

At this point I'm pretty sure I'll still have crystal-clear hearing at age 90 because I've been taking these preventative measures to protect my ears for nearly 20 years now.

If you want to be cool like me, I'd recommend finding some beige ones rather than all of the crazy neon ones that seem to be stocked everywhere. I'm assuming neon is all the rage because maybe most people who buy earplugs need them for job-safety requirements. Like maybe they're working around loud machinery and bright dots sticking out of their ears will somehow help them be more noticeable to a co-worker. But I prefer for people to NOT notice I'm wearing them, so beige is the best for me. Sometimes I cut them in half so that they're not even sticking out. They still work just fine. Last year at Lollapalooza I found myself without any earplugs and had a total meltdown. I was positive that since I'm ancient compared to most people who go, there was no way I would find earplugs anywhere. But thankfully they had some (neon, of course) at the makeshift convenience shop and I was able to enjoy the rest of my day.

So the next time you're at a crowded movie and don't want to be annoyed by your fellow attendees, grab some earplugs beforehand and let me know what you think. Unfortunately the earplugs will do nothing to help you if someone starts lighting up the theater with their texting, though. For that I recommend a gentle kick to the head. (I'm kidding. Kind of.)

- e

e's Favorite Things: My L.L.Bean Backpack

When I was in Michigan last week I had a book signing in my home town of Rochester Hills. As luck would have it, a nasty sleet storm whipped up about 1.5 hours before my event was scheduled to begin, and a lot of people I'd been looking forward to seeing again or meeting for the first time couldn't make it. Heck, I didn't even want to go out in that weather! But duty called.

One of the brave souls who toughed it out was my former classmate Leon -- we went to Michigan Business School together and I hadn't seen him since 1996! While many of you know me as "e" (which I took on as a shortened nickname after being called "egrrl" by my co-workers during my years in the Internet industry), Leon always used to call me "ESO" (pronounced e-so). Why? Because of a backpack with those initials (which are, of course, MY initials) that NEVER LEFT MY SIDE during college. When I found out that Leon was planning to come to my signing, I made sure to bring my backpack with me for the big reunion.

And here we are!


Yay! The backpack was totally feelin' the love, I'm sure of it.

What I wanted to focus on today was the fact that even though I finally "retired" this beloved L.L.Bean backpack last year (I got it in 1992 -- so it had been on duty for nearly two decades!), I can't bring myself to throw it out. Nor could I bring myself to mail it into L.L.Bean to have two of the broken zippers fixed. They have a lifetime guarantee on their products and I knew they'd be able to breathe some new life into my backpack, but I just couldn't bear the thought of it getting lost in the mail.

I did check to see if they still make this same item, though... and they do! Here's what it looks like brand-spankin' new:


I'm assuming I'm not the only person in the world who has a somewhat irrational attachment to an inanimate object. In fact, I know I'm not. For me, my backpack represents the best times of my life: college, grad school, all of my vacations, and all of my travels for work. In fact, even though it was totally busted at the time, killed my shoulders and back and had lost absolutely all of its structure and shape, there was no doubt in my mind that I would bring my ESO backpack with me when I finally checked the seventh continent off of my To Visit list. How couldn't I? It had gone with me to all of the other six!

You can see its strap here as I get ready to board the Endeavour to Antarctica.



Last year I finally had to break down and buy a new backpack (while keeping ESO on standby in a nice comfy spot in my closet), and I absolutely love it. It's functional, sturdy, provides silky padding for my laptop, and is comfortable to wear while trekking through airports or around cities. But it has no soul... it has no character.

It will never be ESO.

- e

e's Favorite Things: The "Miraculous" Tea-Maker

There's a sushi place near my condo that my husband and I have been going to for years. Last fall they started bringing these mega-cool individual tea-makers to the tables of anyone who ordered tea, and I just had to have one. After I'd looked online and couldn't find the exact same brand anywhere else, I decided to order one for myself and one for a friend through the restaurant. (Actually, it was listed on Amazon, but never in stock.) I waited and waited and waited for this damn thing to arrive. It took something like three months, no lie. I've since learned that they're made in Taiwan and apparently very hard to get a hold of. But it was worth the $20 and the wait.

Here's why it's better than the other tea-makers I already own: because the tea strains directly into your mug -- you don't have to deal with one of those little strainer-ball thingies or anything else. What you do is heat up water, pour your designated amount of loose tea directly into the device, pour the water in over the tea, and let it brew. It's kind of cool because the tea leaves float around in the water and eventually rise up to the top -- it's like a tea-filled lava lamp or something. Absolutely mesmerizing to watch.

Here are pictures of each of the steps. Yes, I have a POUND-SIZED BAG of Harney Earl Grey tea. I've found that 1.5 teaspoons is the right amount for one large mug of tea.

Here's the tea brewing... ah, the anticipation! It's my favorite part of every day. This is not a joke.


Then I just set the tea-maker atop my mug and it strains the tea through a filter on the bottom of the device. The tea is always perfect. Then I just dump out the soggy tea leaves in the garbage, swirl some water and liquid dishwashing detergent around in the main compartment and it's ready to go again the next morning. Granted, as you can see, the sides of the brewer are seriously stained -- I need to give it a good scrubbing. But I'm lazy and it doesn't bother me, so stained it remains for now.

Do you see the little black circular stand thingy to the left? That's key, too -- other models I investigated didn't come with one of those. I like it because even though the tea-maker doesn't leak while it's brewing (that's why it's miraculous, perhaps?), after the tea has been strained out the bottom there are bound to be a few drops that end up on the stand. Better the stand than your counter or table, right?

I just realized that it was kind of mean for me to write this post extolling the virtues of Abid's Miraculous Coffee and Tea-Maker when it's basically impossible to get one. So ha ha, I have one and you don't! But if you're interested in something similar, here's another option. It may not be Miraculous, but it's still probably better than any other tea-maker on the market. If you get one, let me know how you like it.

e's Favorite Things: Wrist Sweatbands

After I left Corporate America in mid-2007 and started working on my book proposal, I quickly came to the realization that my wrists were not going to be able to handle my new life as a writer. I was developing nasty purple callouses (for lack of a better term... not really sure what they were) on the inner bases of both palms -- right where my wrists rested on my table when I typed. Something had to be done.

Before you assume that I have some awful set-up that was causing my wrists to become unnecessarily bruised, rest assured that I have a completely ergonomic thing going on and did a ton of research and spent a lot of money to get things just right. One day soon I will do a post on that, because if you want to devote any time whatsoever to writing, you absolutely need to invest in the proper tools to keep your body from revolting after spending hours and hours in front of a laptop.

But for now I just want to talk about the thing that saved my wrists: wrist sweatbands. I suspected that they would do the trick and as a lark I put them on the list of things I'd like for Christmas '07. Yes, I'm in my thirties and still make a list -- but it's done because I'm lucky enough that both my parents and in-laws want to buy me and my husband stuff around the holidays each year, and they'd rather get us things we actually need/want than risk purchasing a gift destined to bear the "Well, it's the thought that counts" label. My mother-in-law took me up on this odd request and got me two or three different pairs. And they have made all the difference. I am never, ever without them when I write. I pack them when I go on trips, too. Sometimes I forget to take them off when I walk my dog in the afternoon and then I look like I'm some hipster trying to start a new trend.

Why it's especially embarrassing when I forget to take them off is because -- as you may or may not be able to see in the picture above -- I wear them inside-out. I learned this the hard way after having stitch-marks embedded in my wrists after a long day. If I wear them inside-out then I still have the pattern of the material running around my arms (it's a thick, plush cotton -- you know what it is... it's just hard to describe), but that will fade more quickly than the horizontal line.

So that's why wrist sweatbands win the honor of being the first of my "Favorite Things" that I've written about in a long time. I don't know what I'd do without them, truly. Perhaps I'd have to bandage up my hands every day as I sip my morning tea?

e's Favorite Things: The Thera Cane

This should come as no surprise to Lost fans and readers of Long Live Locke, but over the past week I've been spending an unhealthy amount of time in front of my laptop. In fact, since I last posted here on 'According to e,' pretty much all I've been doing is writing.

The good news is that my back and shoulders are no longer suffering (as much) because of the ten physical therapy sessions I've completed since December. I've learned to be conscious of both my posture and how I tend to tense up throughout the day. I'm armed with tons of stretches and weight-bearing exercises to help build my scrawny upper body muscles. And perhaps most importantly, I now have the Thera Cane.

Everyone who's seen this thing in my apartment has been like, "What the HELL is that?" But once they experience the wonder that is the Thera Cane, they are jealous and want one, too. Basically it is a strange-looking device that helps banish tight knots in your back (or elsewhere, I guess, but I just use it on my back).

At my last PT session I asked my therapist if she had any recommendations for things I could buy to use at home to help ease the pain of when I inevitably do something to pull a back or neck muscle again. Out came the Thera Cane. She said that when something is pressed against a tight muscle, the body's reflex is to loosen up in that area. So when you apply pressure on sore spots with this easy-to-use contraption that has small knobs jutting out from a cane-shaped bar, they dissipate much more quickly than they would on their own.

I LOVE THIS THING and would highly recommend it to anyone who doesn't have a live-in masseuse. It was around $40 on Amazon and it's the best money I've spent in a long time. Yes, it is totally goofy looking, but who cares? It works. This thirty-something has a cane and is not too proud to tell the world about it!

e's Favorite Things: The Neverending Story

I've been in a very, very bad mood this week. I won't bore you with the reasons, but I will share one of the only things that has been able to lift my spirits: the music video for the theme song from one of my all-time favorite movies, The Neverending Story (and yes, I've read the book, too).

If you are also a fan of this 1984 masterpiece, then you must stop what you are doing and let yourself get whisked away once again to Fantasia, courtesy of the brilliance that is this three-minute forty-five second clip:

I swear to you, if I have three kids, their names will be Bastian, Atreyu and Falkor. There are no more rockin' names in this world than those. I will also style their hair just like that dude's in the video (bearer of another great name: Limahl). I guess if I had a daughter, though, she would have to be Moonchild. I hope no one clues my husband into these plans.

I'm going to be writing more about The Neverending Story some time tomorrow on redblog. In the meantime, I will play this clip about 1,000 more times until The Nothing has retreated and I'm in a happy place again. (Although the video does remind me of the sad fact that I still don't have a pet dragon... sigh.)

- e

e's Favorite Things: Putt-Putt Golf

Playing putt-putt, or mini-golf -- or whatever else you want to call it -- is one of my fondest childhood memories. There was this sweet course near my Grandma's house that went all out with crazy landscapes and themes. One area of the course was based on nursery rhymes, and they had a giant (fake) spider that would intermittently drop down to cover the hole (from Little Miss Muffet, I assume). This thing was the size of a child, so you can only imagine how scary/cool it would be for kids. There was another area where you had to hit the ball up a huge ramp that was surrounded by the Seven Dwarfs on either side -- I loved that one. Some holes required you to hit the ball into underground tunnels that would eventually empty back out onto the green in a random location. Others had extensive waterworks you had to maneuver around. The more elaborate the set-up, the more I got a thrill out of the experience.

It had literally been years since I had picked up a golf club, so one of my goals for this summer was to finally get out to the small miniature golf course that is walking distance from my condo (I realize this isn't a very hard or impressive goal, but still). Summer came and went, and I never found the time to go over there. But thankfully it is still 80 degrees outside and the place is still open, so finally, this past Sunday, my husband and I played.

I can't lie and say that the course was cool, because it was actually fairly lame. And good thing I didn't find out about the rat problem until after we went. But they did have 18 holes, and while there were absolutely no frills or unique aspects to any of the greens, it was fun. Even though I lost.

Whenever I get to Vegas again I may have to check out this elaborate glow-in-the-dark course that I came across online. I have seen those in a few other places as well, but have never given them a shot. Now that I have gotten a little practice in, I'm sure I'll be unbeatable the next time I play...

e's Favorite Things: Fisher Price Little People

First things first: Yes, I am going to write about the Gossip Girl and 90210 premieres. I had planned on doing so this morning, until -- horror of horrors -- my Tivo went on the fritz last night and didn't record 90210, so now I have to wait for the replay on Thursday night. But rest assured, barring any other technical difficulties, I will post about these shows on Friday.

In the meantime, I feel compelled to rant just a little bit about the tragedy that has befallen my favorite childhood toys: Fisher Price's "Little People." I was back home in Michigan this past weekend, and my family and I had a ball watching a DVD that my parents recently had made of all of our old, old, old Super 8 videos. These films from back in the day each only held about 3 minutes of recorded video, so a few dozen separate tapes were able to fit onto one DVD. I saw myself age from 3 weeks to 10 years old within the span of an hour and a half -- freaky! So on a related note, I have to say two things before I get to the heart of this post: 1) If you, your parents or any of your friends or relatives have old movies on film reels or VHS tapes, I beg of you, find a company to transfer them to DVD. It's not the cheapest service in the world, but I promise, you'll be happy you did. The tapes will eventually become warped or disintegrate, and then you will kick yourself for not saving them in time. Just do it!!!! 2) After freaking out at seeing all of my old toys, friends, clothes and home decorations, I have vowed to take more videos in the present time. There are so many things that still pictures just can't capture. The Super 8's didn't even have sound, for God's sake, and they still rocked. These days, there's no excuse for not taking a few clips here and there of your kids, your pets, your house or whatever you care about. Those shots will provide immense joy and entertainment in the future!

OK, so in addition to "the corn popper" (left) and about ten million other awesome toys I forgot I had, I was overjoyed to catch glimpses of the "Little People." If you had these rockin' toys, then I bet a huge smile is spreading across your face right now. Two of the sets I loved the most are below (and yes, the castle was my ultimate favorite because I loved dragons even back then):



Seeing that Robin Hood dude again makes me want to cry. How is it possible to love these little guys as much as I do?

My brother and I then remembered how we would always refer to the chap below as "Pothead." We did not realize the usual meaning of that phrase at the time. We were simply not that creative and called it as we saw it...


Eventually we switched his name to "Panhead"... and then to "Vinnie." We were big fans of Welcome Back Kotter, what can I say? Yes, I realize that the freckled boy above looks nothing like John Travolta, but we worked with what we had, OK?

So I was all warm and fuzzy, reminiscing on my childhood, until I looked up "Little People" online and saw that the years have not been kind to my beloved toys. They have been given makeovers in the worst possible way:


I try to keep it clean on this site, but it's taking everything in me to not unleash a tirade filled with expletives right about now. What have they DONE to the Little People?!?! Why do they have ARMS? Why are they holding stuff? Why do almost all of them have on hats? Why are they wearing outfits? They shouldn't even have feet, much less be wearing shoes?!?!

And look what happened to the castle! Where's the moat?!?!?

The Robin Hood dude now has a bow and arrow pack?!?! That new dragon is totally small! Is there still even the trap door? AAAAAHHHHHH, I can't take it!!!

This is total crap. Yeah, I know, the new design of the figures and sets probably has something to do with making them less of a choking hazard. But they didn't have to destroy the very thing that made these figures so awesome in the first place: their simplicity. I weep for the children of today. And now I'm going to have to go on eBay and see if I can rebuild the complete set of Little People toys I once had (I still have a lot of them, but a few didn't survive storage over the years).

I'm so upset by this that I can't bear to think about it anymore. I'm therefore going to leave you with some pictures of the ORIGINAL Little People, in all of their streamlined glory. That dog was one of the best ones. Sigh.




- e

Got Any Change?

Somewhere between six and seven years ago, I found out about Coinstar machines. Have you ever seen these things? If you live in the United States, Canada, the UK or Ireland, you should really search one out, because they rock!

Basically they are free-standing kiosks--usually in grocery or drug stores--that you pour all of your spare change into and then either receive a voucher for the money, or a gift card from a certain vendor. When I first tried one out, I was living in Boston, and the only option was to get a voucher for cash. You would get a print-out of how much money you had poured in, take it up to the check-out counter, and they would give you your designated amount.

If you just get cash from all of your inputted coins, Coinstar takes out 8 - 10% for their fee, depending on where you live. My dad said, "Why wouldn't you just roll your coins and trade them in for dollars at the bank and forgo the fee?" The answer is: 1) I don't have time to roll coins, nor do I have the little wrappers you need to do so, 2) I bank at an Internet-based bank that has no physical branch nearby, 3) If I did roll coins and took them to another bank or check-cashing type of place, they would also charge a fee, and 4) the Coinstar kiosk is right around the corner from my place.

My husband and I had been tossing spare change into a big plastic bag ever since our last Coinstar visit all those years ago. I finally took it to our local kiosk and was totally excited to see the option of getting gift cards for your change instead of only cash. Because with the gift cards, they do NOT subtract any fee! Why wouldn't you select this option?

I ended up getting a $10-ish (it's hard to pour in even amounts) card for Starbucks, a $138 voucher for iTunes, and a $93 voucher for Amazon.com. These are all places that I shop at anyway, so it made complete sense to get their gift cards rather than lose 9% of my money solely to get bills in my hand then and there.

On top of the convenient location of the machine and the fact that, in a weird way, it feels like you're getting "free money" (even though the coins are yours and were worth every bit as much sitting up in the cabinet above the fridge in the big plastic bag), the experience of pouring the money in is totally fun. At least I think it is. You dump all of your change into this little bin, and then lift it up so that the coins start falling through a small slot that leads to the coin-counter. The kiosk makes the same sound that the jackpots in Vegas make, which I am positive that humans must be hard-wired to love. Every once in a while, the machine will spit out a foreign coin, or, in my case, one of my husband's guitar picks that was mixed in with the legit coins (?!?!). And then you wait for the grand total. When it's hundreds of dollars, it's quite a thrill!

I know, I know, it doesn't take much to amuse me.

But if you have a ton of change sitting around, you should seriously see if they have a Coinstar near you. I would think that it would be a fun experience for kids, too, who were perhaps saving up in a piggy bank or something. Or maybe you should encourage your kids (and yourself) to keep on saving a penny here and a penny there and wait for a long time to tally them up. Because then you could be like this dude, who cashed in $1.3 MILLION DOLLARS in pennies he had saved up over 38 years?!?! That's right, it was all freakin' pennies! It took the machine seven hours to count it all.

Edited The Original Post To Add: Oops. A thank-you to Anonymous, who clued me in that I didn't read the article carefully enough. The man in the picture had 1.3 million CENTS total, which is $13,000.

But... he's still my hero. That's it, I'm not cashing in again until I'm 71.

- e

e's Favorite Things: Magic Shell

As you may remember from a post I wrote last summer about my love of Peapod's home grocery delivery service, I rarely go into a grocery store. Recently, however, we had a rental car and therefore made a quick stop at our local Treasure Island to pick up a few things.

That experience made me all the more certain that physically shopping for food is bad for your health! Because what did I spot in one of the displays at the end of an aisle? Magic Shell ice cream topping. I immediately picked it up and showed it to my husband, with a big smile on my face. "No," he said. I put it back.

But I could not deny that the desire to be reunited with one of my favorite childhood treats was overpowering my will to eat healthier.

I. Had. To. Have. It.

So I tacked a bottle on to my Peapod order last week and haven't looked back. I've eaten Magic Shell every day, sometimes twice a day, ever since. And I'm not going to stop.

If you've never had this most wonderful of inventions, it's basically just chocolate syrup that you pour over ice cream... but after a few seconds it hardens. Just like some of the toppings they have at Dairy Queen for soft serve cones. Anyway, Magic Shell just flat-out rocks. The chocolate is actually a little bitter tasting, but I love it. I used to eat it by the spoonful. I used to be a master at making designs over my ice cream with it. I am sure I will be again at the rate I'm going.

I was talking about my renewed obsession with my friend DY, and she informed me that Hershey's got into the game with these toppings that harden and offers not only a chocolate flavor, but also a Reese's Pieces and a Heath Bar flavor, which you can see at the bottom of this page. For now, however, I'm sticking with Magic Shell (made by Smucker's), because it has not failed me yet. But I did look to see if Smucker's made any other flavors, and lo and behold, they also have Caramel, S'mores and Turtle Delight in addition to two types of the traditional Chocolate topping. Good God, I need to get some of the S'mores kind RIGHT NOW.

Anyway, I don't mean to be a bad influence on all of you, but I highly recommend trying Magic Shell if you never have, because if you like chocolate, it is a great addition to the typical boring bowl of ice cream. Just don't tell your doctor on me... unfortunately they haven't made a low-calorie, low-fat version just yet...

- e

e's Favorite Things: Scrub Your Pup

Before our horrendous master bathroom was redone (it used to have a huge white jacuzzi, all-white tiled floors, crappy white counters and mirrors on every wall...), it served as our dog's bath area. We would get him into the jacuzzi and hose him down and be done with it.

But once the jacuzzi was hauled away and a shower was built in its place, we had to come up with another solution for bath-time. Enter the ingenious store, Scrub Your Pup. For $18, you get shampoo, conditioner, tons of towels, every grooming tool known to man, ear cleaner--you name it--anything you would need to get your dog in tip-top shape. The "scrubbing" is done in a huge bin that has a walk-up ramp (which apparently is the hardest part to deal with for most dogs, but ours walks right up it like he's working the red carpet--looking around to see who's watching him), and there are water hoses with adjustable temperatures to spray your pet down. There are even harnesses to secure Fido from jumping out and aprons to keep yourself from getting splashed.




The only complaint I have is that after the bath is done, there aren't actual dryers to use... there are just "air-blowers"--which look like huge vacuum hoses that just shoot water off of your dog by way of puffs of cold air. For a dog as big as mine, it therefore takes A LOT of towels and a lot of time to get him completely dry. In the summer it's fine, but in the winter... not so much.



As you can tell from the pictures, this is where I spent part of my afternoon today. Now my doggy looks and feels like a king (and acts like one, too)!

- e

e's Favorite Things: VH1

As you know, I've been complaining about the lack of good stuff on TV for quite some time now. But there is one channel that never lets me down... and that's VH1.

The funny thing is, back in 1985 when VH-1: Video Hits One (as it used to be known) went on the air, I remember thinking that it was "the MTV for old people." I didn't watch it much back then... but now, I love it. So either I've gotten older (which I refuse to believe), or VH1 has gotten a lot cooler. OK, so maybe it's a little bit of both, but unlike its sister channel MTV, VH1 at least still plays music videos. You know, the reason d'être for both stations back in the day. Granted, you can't find videos during prime time, but they're still around if you look for them (especially during the "getting ready in the morning" hours).

Also, when VH1 does play TV shows instead of videos, I usually don't change the channel. With the exception of Flavor of Love and anything having to do with Scott Baio, I am a big fan of most programming on VH1--from Rock of Love to I Love the 80s to Best Week Ever (my all-time favorite) to Bands Reunited to Behind the Music to any of the "The Greatest..." or "All Access" episodes. What other channel can you name where you like almost everything they air? Nothing tops VH1 on my list. (And you can still catch one of my other favorites, Pop-Up Video, on VH1 Classic.)

Sometimes they branch out into more serious subjects... like in their "Rock Docs." I watched one of them on DVD without even knowing it was produced by VH1: I Trust You to Kill Me. It's a documentary on the band Rocco Deluca & The Burden (you may know their song "Colorful"). I loved it... and it's a must-see for any 24 fans out there who are desperate for a Kiefer fix (he was their random promoter and is hilarious in the film).

The next "Rock Doc" actually airs tonight... the first of a four-part series called "Sex: The Revolution." I've seen some clips, and while they're all a little risqué, I definitely intend to tune in, or at the very least Tivo the four installments and watch them after all of my regular shows go off the air within the next week or two.

I'm so glad I don't pay extra for HBO (especially now that Sex & the City and Six Feet Under are over), VH1 is obviously where it's at!

Gotta go... Awesomely Ridiculous Celeb Moments is on...

- e

e's Favorite Things: Crap You Didn't Know You Needed at BB&B and L&T

You gotta love springtime in Chicago. One day it's 40 degrees and hailing, the next day it's 80 degrees and humid. A side effect of these wild swings in the weather is that nearly everyone in the city gets sick at one point or another. And now it's my turn.

I started sensing that I might be coming down with something late last week, when I woke up with a tickle in the back of my throat and that gross "sick taste" in my mouth. Sure enough, as each day progressed, I felt worse and worse. Now I'm totally disgusting and have a small pharmacy of meds in my bathroom after a doctor's visit yesterday.

But before my sore throat spiraled into complete and utter grossness, I thought that I could perhaps fight the battle against germs in one small way: I would get new pillows, a new comforter and anti-microbe cases for both my mattress and my pillows.

So this weekend I trekked all around my neighborhood... to Linens 'n Things, to Bed Bath & Beyond, and then back to Linens & Things (I found another 20% off coupon, hooray!). While I was a good girl and stuck to my list of items I needed to get, I couldn't help but marvel at all of the crap I desperately wanted to get. I am now convinced that these stores pipe some sort of magical vapors out through their ventilation systems to make people go crazy and buy ridiculous gadgets and unnecessary toys.

Do I really need an inflatable, floating house? I don't even have a backyard, much less kids, much less a pool! But dammit, it was awesome and was only $10. I found myself thinking, Who do I know with a pool... I will get this for them! Then I stopped myself and forced my legs to keep moving...

... Only to be drawn to the weatherproof recliner the next aisle over. Hmm, now that I'm writing from home, maybe I should get outside more often. Wait, what? There's a complete set of deck furniture for only $200? Must... get... out... of... here...

I had almost made it to the safety of the check-out line when I spotted a wine bottle opener that converted into a thermometer that could then transform into a back massager. I HAD TO HAVE IT! (OK, so maybe I made that one up, but you know there are crazy things like that in these stores!)

Back away, e, back away, I told myself. I paid for my new pillows and got the heck out of there.

After I was back in the fresh air, I realized that I seriously need to spend several hours in both Linens 'n Things and Bed Bath & Beyond one day. Yeah, some of the stuff they carry is over-the-top, but other things really are cool. I owe it to myself to thoroughly investigate the crap I didn't even know I needed.

Ice Cream Ball... here I come! (Seriously, what IS that thing?)

- e

e's Favorite Things: Keanu Reeves in the "Rush, Rush" Video

I've been meaning to mention this for a while... perhaps the anticipation for tonight's installment of American Idol reminded me... but I recently downloaded Paula Abdul's 1991 song "Rush, Rush" from iTunes. Yeah, I said it! I paid 99 cents for it and I'm not ashamed.

First off, I like the song, but secondly, the video is one of my favorites of all time. Because my boy Keanu Reeves is in it. I have always loved Keanu (long live Bill & Ted!), but he is at his best in "Rush, Rush." Like most of what Paula says on AI, this video makes no sense. What year is it supposed to be? Why are they jumping around in time? Why is everyone hating on my man? It doesn't matter, I guess... because, as Keanu says, "It just reminds you that we're all alone, that's all."

You know you want to see it again! Around 3 minutes and 10 seconds is where they have their nonsensical conversation.

I LOVE IT.

After watching this, I found it really striking how neither Paula nor Keanu has aged... and I honest to God don't think either has had any (if much) work done (at least on their faces).

Perhaps now is the time I should tell you that I actually saw Paula Abdul in concert. It was "The Club MTV Tour" and she was with the likes of Tone Loc and Milli Vanilli (who I saw a second time in concert with Nerdy P). And yes, the show did rock and I know you are jealous.

I really think that when Paula releases the second single off of her new album that she MUST reunite with Keanu for the video. Do you think he would do it?
Or would he just say: "Whoa. No."

- e

e's Favorite Things: Teleportation

The omnipresent advertising and promotion for the new movie Jumper got me thinking about the best superpower of all time: teleportation. Wouldn't you love to be able to just think of a location and then instantly be there? Imagine the possibilities: a nice oceanside breakfast in Hawaii, lunch along the Champs Elysees in Paris, dinner in Venice followed by a gondola ride around the canals... and then back in your own bed at night. According to the trailer below, you can even take someone along with you, so you won't be lonely. And then you could start the cycle all over again with three new places the next day. No other superpower even comes close.

Perhaps the greatest advantage of teleportation can be summed up in five words: no more airport security lines. Sure, you may not be able to take much stuff with you when you teleport, but the money you will save on cabs, cars and flights outweighs the amount you may need to spend on a new outfit or two in your final destination. Obviously, I have thought this through.

Lest you still be thinking that another superpower would be better, let me prove you wrong:

Flying - Why risk smacking into a bird (or worse, a plane) and getting all windburned if you could just teleport, which is faster, safer, and achieves the same results?

Invisibility - People who want to be invisible only want this power because they think other people are talking badly about them and they want to overhear it. Which means they have bigger problems than needing to decide on a superpower. But even so, they could just teleport to a nearby vent and listen in on haters that way.

X-ray vision - Let's be honest - this superpower is solely for perverts. Who in their right mind would choose this power over all others? NEXT!

Super-speed - Unnecessary if you can teleport.

Unbreakability/Stretchiness - This power is not going to be that useful in the vast majority of situations--unless you are extremely clumsy, in which case, perhaps you do need it. But if you saw that you were about to be hit by a car or crushed by a falling object, you also could just teleport away. Problem solved.

Firepower - This power is so Super Mario/Fantastic Four. Lame!

Water-breathing - I don't know about you, but I'm hardly ever underwater. This is a waste of a superpower unless you really, really, really love to swim.

Regeneration - Should not be necessary if you keep yourself out of harm's way by teleporting.

Transfiguration - I'm not going to lie, this is a pretty sweet power. Who wouldn't want to see what it feels like to be a bird, horse, dog, or even someone else? But let's be rational, how is this power that helpful? It's not. Because you aren't really turning into a dog (which might be awesome, especially if it was my dog, who is totally spoiled), you are still just yourself inside of a dog's body. If you suddenly needed to disguise yourself, you could just teleport out of sight and not go through what seems like it a painful and possibly time-consuming morphing process.

And for the record, I do not think "magic" is a superpower. Wizards know magic, magic can be learned, so it is not in the same category as the other powers above.

I hereby challenge anyone who thinks there is a better superpower than teleportation to plead their case!

Now I'm all depressed because I have hyped up teleporting, but I still can't do it.
- e

e's Favorite Things: Pumpkin Cream Cheese

I am not a fan of Halloween. Halloween and New Year's Eve are my two least favorite "holidays" of the year. I don't actually mind little kids getting dressed up and going trick-or-treating, and I will have some candy here in case any city-dwelling children make their way around my 'hood. But I myself hate figuring out a costume, I don't like the scary movies that always play around this time of year, I refuse to go in a haunted house after a bad experience when I was a kid--you get the picture. But there is one reason, and one reason only, for me to get excited when October rolls around. It means Einstein Bros. is going to bust out its most excellent pumpkin cream cheese again. And it means I am going to make my husband go buy as many tubs of it as he can find across Chicago so that I have a supply I can freeze and use for the next several months.

We already made our first rounds this year, and I have nearly 25 containers already. Last year I had thirty and they only lasted me until January. So I think we're going to have to go get another supply before they are taken from the shelves.

This is the best cream cheese that exists on the earth, and the thing is, I don't even usually like pumpkin-flavored stuff. You need to try it to see what I'm talking about, because it rocks. And on top of the taste, it's one of the reduced fat offerings! If you want to see if there's an Einstein Bros near you, click here. The lame thing is that they don't even promote it (nor do they even mention they carry it) on their web site?!? Bad marketers!

Sometimes the employees would seem annoyed when we would buy out their location's entire supply. That makes no sense to me, why would you be mad that someone is buying your products? If you don't want me to hoard it, then make it available year-round! Why can't they? Why do onion and garlic cream cheeses get to stink up everyone's breath for 365 days a year, yet the much better pumpkin variety is only available for a matter of weeks? I demand justice!

Inspired by our annual quest to secure my beloved "shmear," my husband carved three pumpkins this year. I'm not sure if you can see, but the one on the far left has green bell pepper slices sticking out for Shrek-like ears, and red bell peppers are used for the tongues on both that one and the one dedicated to my dog.


Pretty good, no?

We also roasted all of the pumpkin seeds that we dug out during the carving process, so that's been another pumpkin-related food I've enjoyed recently. And before we know it, it will be time for pumpkin pie (which I can only stomach if there is a TON, and I do mean a ton, of whipped cream on my slice) around the holidays!

- e

e's Favorite Things: Message Tees

I've decided that I need to add a new category of posts to balance out my "Pet Peeve of the Week" gripes and the overall snarky nature of this blog. To show that I am not always bitter about something, today I begin an ongoing series of entries that I will call "e's Favorite Things," or eFT for short. I won't write about obvious passions of mine with posts like "I love Lost," or "I like watching movies" or "Aren't pirates awesome?" I promise.

Since I wanted to make sure that eFT didn't already stand for something that was perhaps profane or embarrassing, I googled it, and now I think my choice of term is PERFECT. Because eFT (or, EFT actually) also stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques that are all about getting your body's energy field back in order to combat negative thinking and all this other hippie-sounding stuff. AWESOME!

So this inaugural eFT post is about my love for message tees. You know, t-shirts that have funny sayings (usually referring to some pop culture phenomenon) on them. I've mentioned my "Pirates Arrr Cool" t-shirt in several other posts, but that's not the only one I have, trust. However, now that I don't need to keep buying expensive suits and outfits dedicated to working for The Man, I feel the need to refresh my supply of comfy message tees. Therefore, today I actually clicked on one of the wacky t-shirt ads that are always flashing in the margins of the gossip sites I visit. Wow, are there some awesome ones out there! I am going to have a hard time figuring out what to buy. As you are about to see, I have quite a few favorites. All of these came from Noisebot.com, which has a ton of other clever ones that I haven't seen elsewhere.

I was first struck by this one, because of my love for Gandalf. If my cousins start messing around in school, they will receive this ominous t-shirt from me:


For myself, perhaps it's time for a new pirate t-shirt?



For fans of The Office and Entourage, respectively:




My brother used to have The Usual Suspects movie poster in his room. Perhaps he should get this updated version where the suspects have ganged up on poor Verbal:



If you ever played The Oregon Trail back in school, there's more to worry about than dying from dysentery nowadays:



For my peeps in Seattle:


For the extreme nerd in all of us:



But I think the one I have to actually buy comes from another great site, Busted Tees.



Time to stock up!

- e