Someone needs a few anger management classes...

I have never really been a big Beyonce fan - I could take her or leave her. Some songs I like, but she's not an artist whose music and new albums I seek out. When I saw this performance of hers on the recent MTV Video Music Awards, I sensed that I would probably like "Ring the Alarm," but it's always hard to tell when you hear a song for the first time on an awards show, or even on a talk show.

But now it's official: I DO like it. I think I like it because I like the video for it, where Beyonce is just totally pissed off. Let us dissect the lyrics, shall we?

She gon' be rockin' chinchilla coats
If I let you go
Gettin' the house off the coast
If I let you go


She gon' take everything I own
If I let you go
I can't let you go, damn if I let you go


She gon' rock them VVS stones
If I let you go
Couped in the 'Bach or the Rolls
If I let you go
She gon' profit everything I taught
If I let you go
I can't let you go, damn if I let you go

From what I gather, Beyonce has a lot to lose if she lets this guy go. All material things, mind you, but hey, who am I to judge? This is coming from a woman whose man, Jay-Z, has lamely gone in and out of "retirement" about 5 million times. Obviously during all this time he has bought her many presents and she is loathe to give them up.

What I couldn't get over in the video is that during the Basic Instinct-inspired interrogation scene, Beyonce looks EXACTLY like Jennifer Lopez. As in, EXACTLY. I was amazed.

Another great thing about this song and its video is that it inspired a hilarious spoof by some drag queen-looking guy. If you want to laugh, then you should watch this, whether you have ever seen the real video or not. Some of his looks and poses in this are priceless.

But while the song may be good, Beyonce's overall new album, B'Day, is not getting great reviews, thereby making her dangerously close to losing her diva status! The horror!

She doesn't appear to be too worried. She and Jay-Z were most recently seen mingling with Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, which seems like a very bizarre choice of friends to me.

In the meantime, I will continue enjoying her anger issues through the new song, which I actually am going to download to my iPod today. I think it will serve as a good motivator for a brisk walk in the morning on my way to work, even though I don't have to worry about anyone stealing my "stones" or my Rolls.

- e