The 2008 MTV Video Music Awards -- or -- Somebody Shoot Me!

There is a reason I keep torturing myself by watching things like The Hills and the MTV VMAs. It's because every once in a while, something good happens.

I had forgotten that an extra episode of The Hills aired last night before the MTV VMA's pre-show red carpet gig. But my Tivo reminded me, and so of course I watched it. I have to say that it was one of the best episodes that show has pulled off in a long, long time. There was a clearly UN-staged throw-down between Brody and Spencer's mousy sister, Stephanie. So much of this show is scripted that I forgot what it was like when real drama goes down. It is pure awesomeness. Brody "went there" by reminding everyone that Stephanie used to be drugged-out and "crazy," and Stephanie retaliated by, uh, running off and crying to LC in their ridiculous suite at The Venetian (who paid for all of these rooms, and how?!?!). The drama continues in another new episode tonight. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in...

... But I don't know if I can say the same thing about the VMAs. This is two years in a row now that I've been utterly depressed when the show was over. At least last year something happened -- meaning the infamous Britney performance. This time around, the whole thing was just flat-out boring. I was all excited to see how Britney was going to kick off the night, and it was just stupid. Her skit with Jonah Hill was not funny, and she looked nervous as hell when she spoke in front of the audience. Check out how she covered half of her face with the microphone and sped-read her lines starting around the three-minute mark:

That was it!!! I kept waiting for her to do something else later in the show, but nope. She won some awards and made short acceptance speeches and then was outta there.

The host, British comedian Russell Brand, and several presenters, such as Lindsay Lohan and Michael Phelps, also did not do a very good job with the simple tasks they were given. The performances were low-energy... including Kanye's closing song. Yes, he attempted to sing a song rather than rap. What is this world coming to?

I never thought that I would declare an episode of The Hills to be better than the Video Music Awards, but that sad day has come. Can I get those two hours and fifteen minutes of my life back somehow? And can someone erase the memories of Kid Rock's track-suit-with-a-belt outfit from my mind? Please?!?!

- e