S'mores, Minus the Campfire

One of the coolest things Miss M and I did during my trip to New York was make s'mores. But there wasn't any chopped wood, fire or long twigs involved -- we cooked them indoors with the help of her ingenious S'mores Maker.



At the trendy restaurant N9NE in Chicago, Vegas and Dallas, you can make s'mores for dessert using a similar set-up, but Michelle found the home version. You just light a little Sterno thingy and voila! You're ready to roast some marshmallows without having to smell like smoke and ash for the rest of the day.




Sometimes the marshmallows would catch on fire if either of us held them in one spot over the grill for too long. After a few milliseconds of panic, you realize all you really need to do is blow on the flaming white gob and the fire would go out. Then you'd be left with a nicely charred treat.



The end result is below. I downed two of these bad boys within minutes. Yes, I felt kinda ill afterward -- should've paced myself. But I have no regrets.



We used dark chocolate, which I highly recommend. Because, you know, it's healthier.




I had the urge for another s'more yesterday and went to get one at this crazy candy/ice cream shop by my place that I've passed on the sidewalk countless times over the past 14 years and never went inside until last week. Bad move -- now I'm in there all the time. Anywhoo... they have pre-made s'mores that are ridiculously expensive -- like $4.50 for one. But because I'm a fool for sweets I bought one last night, took it home, microwaved it for 10 seconds and then devoured it before my dog even got a chance to fully sniff at my plate and try to figure out what was going on. Same consequence as before: I felt kind of sick later. I need to learn to slow down when I eat dessert. But anyway, it was still tasty, though I prefer the "real" kind of s'more that I made with Miss M. That's as close as I'm ever going to get to cooking something.

Tide to Go Pen: Where Have You Been All My Life?

Many women like to shop. I am not one of those women. But this past weekend, Miss M and I visited the Tanger Riverhead Outlets on Long Island and I went all out. You must keep in mind that I really haven't bought anything for myself in nearly a year because I've been in lockdown writing my manuscript, so when I had nearly every major store at my fingertips on Saturday, I became a woman on a mission. I bought: new workout gear, three pairs of shorts, a jean skirt, a comfy nightgown, a Coach bag, a few Christmas gifts (yes, already!), a bathroom rug and two washcloths, and a bunch of totally random kitchen gadgets (those will get their own post one day). Here's the best part: on top of everything already being marked at outlet prices... that weekend all products in the entire complex were another 40 - 50% off. WHAT?!?!

YESSSSZZZZZ.

It was awesome.

We were on our feet for a total of 5.5 hours, during which I sorely regretted wearing flip-flops instead of my tennis shoes. About halfway through our excursion I had to stop and refuel with a big ol' waffle cone of ice cream. Once we were on our way again, I looked down at my light-colored shorts and realized that I had dripped chocolate all over them.

"Awwww, CRAP!" I whined to Miss M, and was then surprised to watch her whip out a Tide to Go pen within seconds. "I always carry it with me," she explained.

I'd heard of these miracle-workers, and had even tried to find them in Chicago probably over a year ago, but for whatever reason I never could. I don't know if they're only carried at big grocery stores in the suburbs or something, but they're never at Walgreens or available through Peapod or at my neighborhood mini-mart. (I just checked again on Peapod and there's only something called "Swash by Tide"... which looks like it's supposed to accomplish the same thing as the Tide to Go pen, but on the Tide web site they are listed as separate products. Anyone know the difference? I also see there are Tide to Go Mini pens. Cool!)

Anyway, I'm sure a bunch of other shoppers wondered what in the heck we were doing, because right there in the middle of the sidewalk Miss M started rubbing the stain on my upper thigh with the Tide pen. Eventually we realized that I could probably do this myself, and so she gave the pen to me to continue the effort. Now, yes, it looked like I'd peed my pants for the better part of the next half-hour, but who cares, because the stain came out completely! It was like it never happened. I was truly amazed. And I am hardly ever truly amazed.

At the end of my multi-night stay at her place in NYC -- even though it was HER birthday -- Miss M gave me a brand spankin' new Tide to Go pen of my very own. Now I want to pour something on myself just to watch the pen work its magic once more.

I'll close by saying that if you do not own one of these pens, stop what you're doing and go get one. You will not regret it, especially if you're prone to clumsiness and spills like I am.

e's Out East

I flew to NYC yesterday (and was only 35 minutes delayed -- a near miracle when both O'Hare and LaGuardia airports are in the mix...) and will be here until late Tuesday night. I'm running around like crazy trying to get some freelancing gigs lined up, sort out some things related to my book, and of course meet with friends and family. So I just didn't want you to think I'd thrown in the towel on this blog and had disappeared forever. That will not happen! But I probably won't be able to write again until I'm back in Chicago.

Last night I met up with my uncle, my cousin and his fiancee. We all watched the ridiculous LeBron James spectacle together and had some take-out pizza, so that was fun. Today I went back to The Man I used to work for from '03-'06 to talk about a potential freelancing project. It was kind of surreal to be in the building again, but thankfully I didn't have a meltdown or anything. Probably because I was meeting with the people I liked working with the most back in the day.

Then I caught up with my literary agent, and we realized the only other time I'd actually talked to him in person was in March 2007 when I originally tried to pitch him my proposal. Yes, that means I've been working on my @#)$*#%* book for OVER THREE YEARS. But the end is nigh, my friends. Oh yes, the end is nigh.

Next, I returned to my friend Miss M's place in the West Village (where I'm staying), dropped off my laptop, changed into casual clothes, went out to a diner for lunch and then got two cupcakes -- one with vanilla frosting and one with chocolate -- at the famous Magnolia Bakery. They were good... but of course now I'm regretting eating both within an hour of each other.

In about 15 minutes I'll be headed to Penn Station to start the trek out to the Hamptons for the weekend. I join my friend at her family's place out there each summer, and it's one of the things I look forward to every year. There's an EXCELLENT Whole Wheat Everything bagel place we go to in the mornings... there's the beach... there's shopping. It's usually the most relaxing Saturday and Sunday I have the entire calendar year.

Monday and Tuesday I'm booked solid with social and/or work stuff, so I'll be back with stories from my trip after I'm home on Wednesday.

Until then,
- e

Taste of Chicago 2010

Another Fourth of July has come and gone, which means I've made my annual trek to the Taste of Chicago, as this event is always held the week before and week of Independence Day.

This was the first year that I was joined not only by Nerdy P (who is usually with me), but also her parents and her son. I think they might've been a bit overwhelmed by the heat and the crowds, but Nerdy P and I are old pros and can whiz in and out of the masses like nobody's business. So much so that we had one round of snacking on Friday and then a second with our remaining food tickets on Saturday.

Here's me with a very high-end salad that I absolutely loved. It was from The Grill on the Alley, and its official description was: "Grilled Anjou Pear salad with walnuts and maytag blue cheese." Good lord, it was awesome.



Nerdy P tried some gazpacho ("with avocado and chopped chives") from this same station and really liked it. Here she is with a selection from Carbón -- a restaurant that has never had a booth at the festival before.



It's kind of hard to see, but it was a tilapia taco. It looked really good -- and she confirmed that it was.

Other things I had were some of my old standbys -- deep-dish spinach pizza, cheesy garlic bread, baklava -- as well as some newbies like an upside-down caramel cupcake (awesome), the aforementioned salad, and a popcorn ball from Chicago's famous Garrett's Popcorn.

After we'd had our fill on Friday, we walked off the calories by trekking over to Navy Pier. I thought it would be a 15-minute stroll and it ended up being much longer -- oops. All the more reason for me to get an ice cream sandwich along the way!

Once at Navy Pier, Nerdy P, her son, her mom and I went on The SeaDog. If you don't remember what The SeaDog is, you can read my prior post about it here.

I don't know WHAT was going on that day, but we ended up getting thoroughly soaked. I've been on this speedboat ride several times, and this has never happened. It was seriously so crazy -- at first I was covering my head with my arms and mock-screaming over the loud, blasting '80s music they play... but then I just started laughing. It was pointless trying to fight it. I was worried Nerdy P's son would either be scared or mad because he got drenched, but as you can see from this picture, he was like a little puppy with its head out of the window during a car trip. He couldn't get enough of it and didn't seem to be too jazzed whenever the boat slowed down. Ah, to be young.



Once back on land, we rode the Ferris Wheel. It was a beautiful, sunny day and there's no view of the Windy City like the one from 150-feet above the ground.



Another successful holiday weekend! I hope Nerdy P realizes that I expect her to continue this annual tradition until we're in our eighties and hauling our walkers through the crowds...

Book Review: Mennonite in a Little Black Dress

Last October I was sent a review copy of Rhoda Janzen's Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home, shortly after it came out in hardcover. I had a chance to read it a month later when on vacation in Turks & Caicos -- when I should've been working on my own book. (I had this brilliant idea that a change of scenery would inspire me to write... when all it did was inspire me to want to lay under an umbrella, drink fruity drinks, gaze out at the beautiful ocean and do anything BUT write.)

I truly enjoyed this book, but once I returned home I had no choice but to kick my manuscript-molding efforts into high gear and so I never got around to reviewing it. When I heard that Mennonite came out in paperback a few months ago I made a mental note to myself that I had to remember to tell my fellow book-loving peeps about it. And so now I finally will.

Allow me to steal a line from Publishers Weekly's review in order to summarize the plot: "At first, the worst week of Janzen's life—she gets into a debilitating car wreck right after her husband leaves her for a guy he met on the Internet and saddles her with a mortgage she can't afford—seems to come out of nowhere, but the disaster's long buildup becomes clearer as she opens herself up." The crash Janzen survived was truly horrific, and it forced her -- a woman in her forties -- to move back in with her Mennonite parents. The narrator had long ago left the religion in which she was raised, but this didn't seem to be something that bothered her parents -- or at least it didn't bother them enough to refuse to help her in her greatest time of need.

I was most interested in this book because -- truth be told -- I had no idea what a Mennonite even WAS. I probably should be embarrassed to admit that, but I'd rather be honest because I have a feeling I'm not alone in my ignorance. Since much of the book involves anecdotes about the Mennonite religion and culture (there's even a very fun "Mennonite History Primer" included at the end), I'm not going to attempt to explain it here, except to say that this particular Christian Anabaptist denomination is kind of known for its nas-tay food. And seriously, some of Janzen's descriptions of certain dishes had me gagging.

The best character in the book is Rhoda's mom Mary, who is totally blunt and has a thing for singing songs, passing gas and never thinking twice when it comes to talking about bodily functions or parts. She is an unfailingly optimistic rock star, and in many ways she reminded me of my own mother-in-law, who has the uncanny ability to always, ALWAYS look on the bright side of life. We need more people like that in the world. But of course Rhoda's mom also has her own opinions about her daughter's checkered romantic past and what kind of man she should now be looking for. Apparently her first cousin Wally, who "drives a tractor in his spare time," was a top pick.

So here are three reasons why I think you should check out Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: 1) You will learn a lot -- but in a subtle and fun way, 2) you are guaranteed several laugh-out-loud moments -- stories from Janzen's childhood are particularly chuckle-worthy, and 3) no matter what might be going on in your life that you wish you could change or improve, you will feel better about your situation after reading this book. It's crazy how many hits kept coming for Rhoda -- the things that happened to her would most likely be unbearable to a lot of people -- but this is by no means a "poor me" memoir. If anything, the author uses the book as a chance to dig deep within herself to figure out how she can do better going forward.

There were only two things that bugged me about Mennonite, one moreso than the other:

1) A lot is made of the fact that Rhoda's husband left her for "Bob, the guy from Gay.com." It's sad-funny the first time you read it, but she repeats it A LOT throughout the book, and (spoiler alert... skip to #2 if you don't want to know, though it won't ruin the book for you...) then much later in the story she reveals that she actually knew her husband had been in gay relationships before she started dating him. I felt a bit misled in that the earlier chapters had really made it seem like Rhoda didn't see her husband's affair coming at all, when in fact there had been several, several clues all along -- his dating history being the biggest.

2) Rhoda teaches English and Creative Writing at Hope College in Michigan, and I can only imagine that's the reason why every once in a while she would throw in some big fancy word that I'd never seen before. Now, I know that's my own damn fault that I'm not word-savvy enough to understand all of the terms she included, but she did it enough that I started noticing it, which I view as a negative thing -- I felt distracted from the story because I was like, "What in the hell is THAT word?" I'm sure the more literary types out there, however, might actually enjoy having a few new words to haul out the ol' dictionary for. And feel free to shame me for listing this as something that bothered me, especially since I'm a writer -- I know I deserve the lashing.

If you end up reading Mennonite in a Little Black Dress, make sure you come back here and tell me what you thought of it. And if you feel you need a bit more info before making a purchase, you might want to visit:

- The New York Times book review (they loved it)

and

- An excerpt from Chapter One (you'll have to scroll down on the page I linked to, because it also includes a lot of other cool nuggets about the book -- like a few of the author's remaining tour dates in the Midwest. I already have plans the night she's in Chicago, or else I would've tried to attend.)

Finally, I must admit that even after learning all about Mennonites, I still have absolutely no desire to try -- or even come near -- borscht.

e's Favorite Things: Wrist Sweatbands

After I left Corporate America in mid-2007 and started working on my book proposal, I quickly came to the realization that my wrists were not going to be able to handle my new life as a writer. I was developing nasty purple callouses (for lack of a better term... not really sure what they were) on the inner bases of both palms -- right where my wrists rested on my table when I typed. Something had to be done.

Before you assume that I have some awful set-up that was causing my wrists to become unnecessarily bruised, rest assured that I have a completely ergonomic thing going on and did a ton of research and spent a lot of money to get things just right. One day soon I will do a post on that, because if you want to devote any time whatsoever to writing, you absolutely need to invest in the proper tools to keep your body from revolting after spending hours and hours in front of a laptop.

But for now I just want to talk about the thing that saved my wrists: wrist sweatbands. I suspected that they would do the trick and as a lark I put them on the list of things I'd like for Christmas '07. Yes, I'm in my thirties and still make a list -- but it's done because I'm lucky enough that both my parents and in-laws want to buy me and my husband stuff around the holidays each year, and they'd rather get us things we actually need/want than risk purchasing a gift destined to bear the "Well, it's the thought that counts" label. My mother-in-law took me up on this odd request and got me two or three different pairs. And they have made all the difference. I am never, ever without them when I write. I pack them when I go on trips, too. Sometimes I forget to take them off when I walk my dog in the afternoon and then I look like I'm some hipster trying to start a new trend.

Why it's especially embarrassing when I forget to take them off is because -- as you may or may not be able to see in the picture above -- I wear them inside-out. I learned this the hard way after having stitch-marks embedded in my wrists after a long day. If I wear them inside-out then I still have the pattern of the material running around my arms (it's a thick, plush cotton -- you know what it is... it's just hard to describe), but that will fade more quickly than the horizontal line.

So that's why wrist sweatbands win the honor of being the first of my "Favorite Things" that I've written about in a long time. I don't know what I'd do without them, truly. Perhaps I'd have to bandage up my hands every day as I sip my morning tea?

Let the Weight Gain Begin!

As those of you who read my most recent Lost post know, I shed ten pounds over the last few months while I was finishing up my manuscript. It actually was as much as thirteen pounds at one point, but my eating escapades detailed below have helped me regain some footing.

At first I thought it was just the stress of the writing process that was causing the number on the scale to continue to drop. Then I realized that the situation was more likely caused by my switch to a mostly dairy-free, gluten-free, low-sugar, low-carb, high-protein diet. Those of you who actually know me realize that this undertaking basically meant that I was changing everything I eat. As my husband pointed out, I probably shouldn't have attempted such a drastic overhaul while I was also under the gun to meet my deadline. Because I was already grumpy enough as it was. Then I took away bread and pasta and cheese and ice cream, the four staples of my diet for the past several decades. Dumb move!

Anyway, for about two weeks I was really strict on this new plan (which I did for a combination of reasons I won't get into, but it was advised by a doctor and was NOT done in an attempt to lose weight because I was already right where I should've been... I have never, and will never, go on a "diet"). Those first two weeks were when most of the weight came off and I was a tad alarmed. Then I started hating on almost all of the stuff I'd switched to. Teff quesadillas? Rice cheese? Gluten-free pasta? Soy ice cream? Sorry, but those things are NOT substitutes for the real deal, and I got sick of all of that crap fairly quickly.

Now I've found a nice balance -- I'm still pretty much dairy-free (though I did get a huge waffle cone of ice cream yesterday), but simply cannot stay away from most bread products. At least I always try to choose high-quality 100% whole wheat options.

Since I don't care if I get back to my normal weight, I've been going a bit crazy lately with random treats. On June 11th, the toughest part of my manuscript was behind me and I only had a few smaller sections (About the Author, References, etc.) still hanging over my head (those were due on the 15th), so on the way back from running errands I stopped into Molly's Cupcakes. I quickly spied what I wanted: the Mixed Berry cupcake. And so I got it, as you can see to the left. Unfortunately, the cake part turned out to be a blueberry muffin, but the cream on top was still awesome.

Just a few blocks down the very same street is The Weiner's Circle, a notorious hot dog stand in the heart of the Lincoln Park neighborhood. Now, I don't usually seek out meat -- much less any kind of hot dog -- but on that day I just had to have one. So yes, I ate dessert first and then got my actual meal about 15 minutes later. Which was a Char Polish, and it was excellent.



I found myself craving another one this past Friday, but my husband and I were out in the suburbs, so we went to Hot Doug's instead. Since this "gourmet" hot dog joint was featured on Anthony Bourdain's "13 Places to Eat Before You Die" a while back, there's now always a huge line. My husband waited for 40 minutes in 90-degree weather to get me my polish dog (I was in the air-conditioned car, hee hee); he got a chicken rosemary dog, as well as the famous foie gras dog. Yuck!

We also went out to Red Lobster not too long ago, which was a real treat because -- believe it or not -- there's not one in the city. I used to go there all the time when I lived in Michigan, so I was missing it something fierce. We didn't have a car up until this February, and now we just got a GPS system, so all we had to do was type in "Red Lobster" and then off we went! I truly, truly love their cheesy bread rolls (does anyone NOT love those things?) so of course I ate three of those, got the shrimp-three-ways combo and then we also got some really great mixed drinks -- mine was some sort of mango-berry thing (in the forefront). I was surprised at how tasty it was.

This coming weekend I will continue my quest to regain some poundage as my friend Nerdy P is once again making the trek to Chitown, and we will be continuing our almost-annual tradition of going to the Taste of Chicago. I've written about our past exploits at this ridiculous food fest a few times before (my post about my '09 experience has links to my '06 and '07 trips). Now we are bringing her young son along for the ride for the first time, and her parents, so it's gonna be fun. It's quite a crazy event to witness -- especially if you've never been surrounded by millions of people all crammed into a very small area while trying to eat as much as they can before they pass out from heat exhaustion. I can't wait!

- e

Psst... I'm Back.

So, uh... yeeeaah.

It's been eight and a half months since I last updated poor, neglected 'According to e' -- consider me thoroughly ashamed. As many of you know, I've been working on a book during the majority of that time, and I finally turned in my manuscript a few weeks ago (the state of my desk -- aka "my kitchen table" -- on my deadline date is to the right. That was two weeks ago -- still doesn't look much different). The whole editing and marketing process remains ahead for me to tackle alongside my publisher (Wiley) in the months to come, but I do now feel like I'm slowly but surely starting to see glimmers of my old life returning.

Though I have a multi-thousand-word Lost finale post hanging over my head that I WILL eventually write, I'm more determined than ever to get back into the groove of posting here at least a few times a week. This site was always meant to be somewhat of a personal diary (isn't that what all blogs originally were supposed to be back in the day -- that day being some time in like 2005?), and since I know it's bound to be a wild ride for me between now and when my book is published in October, I really want to use 'According to e' to capture as much of that experience as possible. What's more, I have several readers who are aspiring authors and have asked about the process I went through in order to get a book deal, so my intention is to also travel back in time over the course of a few posts and explain the various steps I took to make it happen.

And then there's the fun stuff I'm itching to cover -- like the books I've somehow managed to read in the recent past, trips I've taken (including finally loading in more pictures from my '07 Antarctica, '08 Galapagos and '09 Turks & Caicos trips... Lord, has it really been THAT long?) and some of the silly things that have happened to me (or that I've done) since last October that I haven't had time to write about until now.

In order to not get too overwhelmed and give up on this endeavor before I really get going, I'm vowing to keep posts fairly short -- at least for the next few weeks or so -- so that I can just simply get back into the groove of writing something that doesn't have to do with where I used to work (the subject of my book), or movies (what I still write about twice a day every weekday for redbox's redblog), or Lost.

So I hope you'll stick with me! More very soon -- I promise. As in, before July 2010... just so we're clear.

- e

Kick 'Em When They're Up, Kick 'Em When They're Down

I am very, very happy I was running errands yesterday afternoon. If I hadn't been out and about, I might have been tempted to turn on the TV and watch the dramatic "Balloon Boy" story unfold, against my better judgment. Instead, I was on the bus, making my way from one place to another, when I checked Twitter and saw message after message about this six-year-old kid who was apparently soaring high above Colorado in a runaway makeshift hot air balloon/flying saucer thingy. ?!?!

Upon reading bits and pieces of the story (and then checking CNN.com for more info), I became totally nauseous. I couldn't believe there were live feeds of the balloon's treacherous flight. EVERYONE THOUGHT THERE WAS A YOUNG BOY TRAPPED IN THE BASKET! What exactly were these media outlets going to do if all of a sudden this kid (named Falcon, oh irony of ironies) peered over the side and tipped out? Seriously, I need to understand what their plan was. Were they going to show a young child falling to the earth? Or were they just going to cut away? Fade to black? It's sickening that I (and most likely others) even need to wonder about this, but this whole episode just underscores the main reason I don't watch any news programs: they're all about getting the scoop, without regard to taste or decency or consequences.

Listen to me, sounding like I'm ninety years old. "Back in MY day... we didn't even have TV... we would just all sit around looking at each other for hours... and we liked it, dammit, WE LOVED IT!" Clearly, something about this Balloon Boy saga has riled me up. I know it's awful and uncomfortable to think about what might have happened if this story didn't have a happy ending, but while all of the various shows are grilling the Heene family this morning (and poor Falcon has already thrown up twice in the middle of these interviews), asking whether or not the entire thing was a hoax, no one's asking the only question I want an answer to: what were they going to do if this kid was in the balloon like everyone assumed he was, and he fell out while they had their live feed going? I want someone to own up to their plan!

I personally couldn't care less if the whole thing was a hoax. It doesn't change the fact that reporters bought it and were all over it like white on rice. It brings to mind the wise and true words of Don Henley in the awesome, awesome song "Dirty Laundry":

We got the bubble-headed bleach-blonde who comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye
It's interesting when people die --
Give us dirty laundry.


Ugh. Anyway, I'm sure we're going to hear lots more about Balloon Boy (which I feel silly typing, much less saying) over the coming days and weeks. There will be Balloon Boy skits on Saturday Night Live, Halloween costumes, magazine covers, you name it. I'm just glad the kid is safe and that my "What if?" worry wasn't realized.

- e

My First-Ever Radio Gig

I posted this on Facebook a few days ago, but I know many of you have resisted the temptation that is social networking thus far and therefore didn't see it, so here's a link to my radio spot on KPAM for redbox:

I didn't make a total fool out of myself.

Yay!

I'll be back with the KPAM crew on October 23, so stay tuned...

- e

Hear Ye, Hear Ye... Hear Me!

For those of you who've been reading both this blog and Long Live Locke over the years but have never had the extreme great pleasure of meeting me (I kid), tomorrow (Friday) morning you will at least have a chance to put a voice with my pictures and writing. As part of my work with redbox, I'm going to be on KPAM radio in Portland every third Friday or so (if things go well) starting this week. However, you don't need to be in Oregon to tune in... you can do so by clicking on the "Listen Live" link in the upper-right of KPAM's site. I've tried it out, it works! Fellow redblog writers and film critics James Rocchi and Locke Peterseim will be rotating duties on the other Fridays -- and they are awesome -- so you should check out their spots as well.

I will be going on a few minutes after 9 AM EST (yep, that's 6 AM for the early-risers on the west coast) and will talk for 6 - 8 minutes about the week's theatrical and DVD releases. My first spot tomorrow will focus on Zombieland and Whip It, as well as Monsters vs. Aliens, The Brothers Bloom and Management.

I should be getting an .MP3 of my bit on their morning show a few days afterward, but am not sure if I will be able to upload that on this site. So... regardless of whether or not you're able to catch me live, please please please send me good luck vibes! I'm not nervous now, but I'm sure I will be once I start preparing everything tonight.

- e

PS - On a completely unrelated note, I googled "Hear ye, hear ye!" before writing this post to ensure I was spelling it correctly. The first result that popped up was a blog entitled "Hear ye! Hear ye!" and I spent a few minutes browsing through it. I'm glad I did, because I found some ridiculously cute pictures of guinea pigs!!! I used to own two guinea pigs: one (Piggy -- yep, I'm not that creative) during college and another (Chewie) right after I graduated from Michigan. I loved them dearly, and so I really got a kick out of these pics... as well as these. Check them out -- if you don't crack a smile, you just might not have a heart!

Talkin' It Up with Claire Zulkey, Writer Extraordinaire and Author of 'An Off Year'

Congratulations are in order for 'According to e' readers Laura, KristYn from CALI, helkatmat, Dee, Virtual Jon Daniels and Alisha Rene, all of whom won signed copies of my friend Claire Zulkey's recently published young adult novel, An Off Year. (I've heard from everyone except Laura... so Laura, if you're out there, send me a comment with your email address -- I won't publish it -- so that I can contact you about mailing out the book.)

Now the rest of you need to go buy it! Remember, you can do so here or here or at your local bookstore.

What's that, you say? You want to learn more about the book first? Well, whattayaknow, I just so happen to have interviewed Claire a few weeks ago and have all the background info that you'd ever want.

But before I share our chat, I need to tell you about how I came to be friends with Claire in the first place. In early October 2007, not too long after I had bid adieu to The Man, I attended a panel on freelancing in Chicago, and Claire was one of the speakers. I thought she seemed like a cool chick and so I emailed her a few days afterward to see if she'd be up for having lunch and sharing more of her freelancing know-how with me. I must not have come off as too stalkerish, because she agreed, and has been nothing but supportive of my writing career ever since.

Claire is truly an inspiration, not only because she's published a novel (as well as contributed to The Onion A.V. Club's latest and sure-to-be-genius book, Inventory, out October 13 -- pre-order it here!), but she's also written for many of the most awesome publications and web sites around. Some of the biggest include The L.A. Times, The Onion A.V. Club (duh, I just mentioned their book), Glamour, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post and The RedEye here in Chicago. On top of that, Claire was one of the earliest bloggers -- you know, waaay before everyone and their brother was doing it -- and her site, Zulkey.com, rocks the house. Because of it, she has achieved the highest of high honors and my ultimate goal in life -- to be mentioned by none other than Anderson Cooper. You know how I love me some AC!


e: I should probably start off by saying that yours is the first novel I’ve read in a long, long time that doesn’t revolve around magical beings, mythical creatures, or some ridiculously outlandish scenario. So thanks for helping to remind me that there are books about plain ol’ human beings doing normal things that I can enjoy just as much! An Off Year focuses on Cecily, who arrives at college ready to begin her freshman year... but then decides to turn around and go back home, much to her and her father’s surprise. Now, I know you went to college, but I also know that you started writing this book ten or so years ago, so I had to wonder whether or not Cecily’s story was drawn even just a teensy bit from your personal experience. Did you have second thoughts about school back in the day? And if not, where did the inspiration for An Off Year come from?

Claire: The thing that's funny is that my personal experience was so different from Cecily's--my parents would have absolutely locked me in my dorm room and driven off if I tried to do what she did: taking "a year off" is practically against their religion, not that I judge them in any way for that. I applied to ten schools, I took the SAT's twice, I had a private college counselor. So you could say the book is about me exploring an alternate reality but really the whole nut of the book came from Cecily herself and not so much her journey. I read a book a long time ago called "Celine" by Brock Cole and it still stands out to me as having such a strong-voiced, unique, funny, don't-give-a-damn YA protagonist that I essentially started out seeing if I could write a book in a similar tone. I don't know if Cecily is necessarily all those things but I sort of had the character first before I knew what to do with her.


e: So how much of Cecily’s personality was based on your own or perhaps someone you know? I ask this because by the time I finished the book, I felt like I thoroughly understood her character and was impressed by how “real” she seemed. What I mean is — from her witty banter with her friends, family members and various counselors, to her internal musings, to the ways in which she decided to spend her free time — she didn’t seem like a character in a book, she seemed like an actual person who exists somewhere out there.

Claire: On the one hand, while I feel like Cecily embodies a lot of my own insecurities from that age, she's much more outgoing and generally cool about certain things than I ever was. I think I was a lot more neurotic about what people thought of me as a person than she is. I also wanted avoid certain cliches--I decided purposefully to make her a little more jaded about drugs and alcohol and a little less obsessed with body image, just because I thought it would be nice to move past those things, to some extent, that girls her age seem to obsess over and get to another matter. But overall I think Cecily felt a lot more comfortable with the high school experience than I was: she was cool with her social lot in life by and large, and was more worried about college whereas by the time I was done with high school I practically wanted to burn the place down. Well, not really but I was definitely ready to move on to college where I could get to know a new crowd (which was terrifying too). At any rate, I wanted to make sure that I gave Cecily plenty of flaws and even made her a little hard to like at times--I think that makes her much more real, especially since her problems aren't very clear-cut so I didn't want to make her a clear-cut kind of girl.


e: True to its title, the book takes us through a year in Cecily’s life after she decides to return home with her dad instead of starting at Kenyon College as planned. When you came up with the idea for this book all of those years ago, how much of that year did you already have mapped out in your head? Did you know how Cecily’s story would ultimately end?

Claire: I had very little of it mapped out initially since the year off didn't actually hit me as a story until I had been working on it for a while. The only part of her journey that I had established early on was Cecily's campus visit up to Madison to see her brother Josh. I went on a few of those myself and it's just funny that you're expected to get an idea of whether you like a school or not based on absolutely no point of reference. You visit a campus for a day or two, but how do you have any idea what your life would be like there? I'm not exaggerating that it probably helped that I visited Georgetown, my alma mater, on a beautiful sunny day whereas I never felt that bad about not getting into U Penn since it was such a crappy, foggy day when I visited there. As if that's indicative of how life as a student would be.

Spoiler alert! (Highlight the next paragraph with your mouse if you'd like to read Claire's thoughts on the book's ending.) I did know that Cecily would go back to school. I just didn't see her going forward without any college experience, although maybe it was also just me being reluctant to write about something that I know nothing about (IE not going to college). I also did know that I wanted her Dad to be a little reluctant to let her go at the end.


e: I loved the relationship Cecily had with her father. I don’t think it’s spoiling too much to say that when Cecily tells her dad she wants to go back home, he doesn’t flip out... he simply takes her back home. However, when my husband was just a few pages into the first chapter he commented, “Man, if that was my kid, I’d say, ‘You’re here, you’re staying, deal with it!’” My response to him was, “Yeah, but that’s kind of one of the sub-plots of the book... why didn’t Cecily’s dad do that?” Did you ever consider a harsher reaction from Cecily’s dad, or did you know from the outset that the intricacies of their father-daughter relationship wouldn’t allow for him to go berserk on his youngest child?

Claire: That definitely was a part of the story I had mapped out early-on. To me while I love Cecily's relationship with her Dad, it's also a tiny bit odd, maybe just because in my family while there was a lot of love and respect and fun and laughs, there was never any question who was the kid and who were the parents. I feel like Cecily gets both the best and worst of her traits from her father but as she grows older it's just inappropriate to stay so closely identified with him.


e: What was the toughest part about writing An Off Year?

Claire: Oh lord. Sticking with it? It literally took me over ten years from start to finish and it's funny because I used to read that about other authors and thought "Those suckers. I can write faster than that!" Well, obviously not. But I didn't know what it would be when I started it. I started it for fun, tinkered with it, let sit around for a few years, tinkered with it again, toyed with it as a novel, put it away some more, then thought about YA. That's when the ball started rolling more but even then that took another four or so years. The thing was like a time capsule. I remember in an original incarnation somebody looked something up in the encyclopedia and one of my editors was like "Wouldn't she use Wikipedia?" Wikipedia didn't exist, or not the way it does now, when I started it. It's funny because I'm working on the second book right now and draaaaagging my feet on it and the thing that's annoying is that I know the writing is the "easy" part! Let's just pretend it gets so far that my editor works on it--say you designed a building, and she says "I hate the second floor, can you add three more floors, put the fifth floor on the top, tip it on its side and paint it pink?" I'm so happy with the book, half because I'm proud of how it turned out and half that it just happened!


e: Let’s talk about the cover for a minute. It’s totally adorable. I know, however, that authors don’t always get much—if any—input when it comes to book jackets. Were you involved with the creation of yours?

Claire: I was! My editor and I both had the same idea at first--one of those magic eraser wipe boards that college students put on their dorm room doors--but then she sent me a mockup of what you see now, except that the initial version had lizard or dinosaur-type slippers. There was a little issue about whether they looked enough like slippers so I had this fun assignment of looking up a ton of silly slippers online. I think I still wanted something like bear feet, something not-typically-cute, but my editor assured me that everyone in the art department went gaga over this particular version and I knew that I am the rookie here and that they know best. I actually wrote in the little detail of the pink carpet into the book since it wasn't in there to begin with. The cover's gotten such good feedback (based on my self-obsessed Googling) that I've even read one comment online from a person who said that the cover is better than the book which kind of stings but hey, at least they like some part of it!


e: Despite the fact that there’s a whole lotta pink on the cover, I strongly believe that Cecily’s thoughts and actions are relatable to guys as well — in fact, I happen to know a few members of the male persuasion who’ve read your book and have enjoyed it just as much as I have. Further, even though An Off Year is classified as a Young Adult novel, I’m thirty-something and could clearly identify with Cecily’s story. Maybe that’s because I found her struggle to make a decision about college very comparable to how I felt when I decided to up and leave corporate America two years ago. My point is, I believe anyone — of any age — who has ever wrestled with a significant life change (and hasn’t necessarily felt comfortable with following the status quo) could sympathize with what goes down in this book. Does that surprise you to hear? Did you consciously set out to write this story for a particular demographic or was your hope that its universal themes might attract an audience outside of the YA genre’s typical readership?

Claire: It pleases me to hear that but if it doesn't make me sound too cocky, I am not that surprised--as I said above, it definitely didn't start out as a YA book. And also, my favorite YA books, like Celine and Island of the Blue Dolphins and so on were about thoughtful teens, not teenage thoughts. Of course I liked The Babysitter's Club and whatnot but I wanted to avoid things that were super timely and trendy. I had an experience a few years ago where a publisher had already sold a YA book--they had everything set in stone, the plot, the characters, everything, but they just needed someone to write it. I tried out for the job and I remember one of the main critiques I got was "Can you work in more name brands?" Now I love that kind of stuff as much as anyone but that's for my closet and my magazines. I honestly can't say that I'll be able to accomplish this if and when I write other books but I do stand behind my book in that it's something I like reading. I credit my editor, Julie Strauss-Gabel, with most of that. She was great at cutting away the unnecessary and helping me figure out what needed to be filled in. Moreover a lot of Cecily's concerns were concerns I had when I was her age, and even though they've diminished as I've gotten older, some of them are still underneath the surface, which maybe is somewhat identifiable to other people too--who doesn't freak the slightest bit with each new life stage?


e: So obviously I’m a fan of the book and feel like there’s something in it for everyone, but I do have to call out one passage that I think is particularly relevant for anyone in their final years of high school or early years at college. At one point Cecily is having a heart-to-heart with her brother’s girlfriend, Angie. Angie (a sophomore in college) relays how she was kind of depressed because everyone kept telling her that her college days were supposed to be “the best time in her life,” but she didn’t feel that way at all. I was so happy that you found a way to cover this fallacy in the book, because I’ve been guilty of saying the exact same phrase to several of my young cousins as they went off to school, and then felt really guilty afterward when I learned that they struggled to find their footing a bit during freshman year. I’d made it out to be all happy-happy-joy-joy... but when I really stopped to think about my first year in college, I recalled being down in the dumps a lot, too. The reality for many people is that it’s not actually until you’re done with school that you can fully appreciate that time in your life. On this note, I saw that a college advising dean was one of the people who provided a quote on the back cover of your book. Did you find yourself needing to do any research with high school counselors or people in similar positions in order to capture the many conflicting emotions teenagers go through during this tumultuous transition period?

Claire: Guess who that college advising dean is? My freshman year roommate from Georgetown. No joke. Of course when we first moved in as strangers I think we eyed each other somewhat suspiciously. She wanted to be a dentist, not a college counselor. If I plotted out Cecily's college life I'd hope she'd have a roommate like Liz, who one day essentially told me "You're so funny but you do know have this thing where you pre-judge people, right?" She helped me appreciate myself more and be a more outgoing person. Now she's a dean at Columbia (where I would have gone if I didn't go to Georgetown) and last year she was in my wedding. Funny how those things work out. Anyway! Other than having Liz weigh in on what it's like to be a college counselor (whose point of view I could trust having been a college student WITH her), I also ran Cecily's conundrum past my friend Nora, who is getting her PhD in child psychology and who is both a very matter-of-fact yet compassionate person. I have a little experience, like Cecily, being the patient in a cognitive behavioral therapy situation but I wanted to make sure that the things she was going through and the advice she was getting matched up--thanks to Nora, Cecily went to work and went to school, which she hadn't done before that.

As to your other point, yes, I feel like that whole "best years of your life" in college thing is a total fallacy and I wanted to put that out there. I think college has way more going for it than high school but things just get better as you get older and get to know yourself and what really makes you happy. I don't trust anyone who says they have all that figured out by the age of 20. That's weird.


e: What’s next for you? Is there another book in the works? If so, can you give us any hints as to its plot?

Claire: Yes, I'm working on the next YA book, in addition to a bunch of other abandoned projects that I occasionally pick up. I have discovered an unsettling trend wherein I write 50 pages of something and then let it sit around for several years and then come back to it and see how it measures up so it looks like I'll never turn anything out quickly. So I have a couple other things in the works but the next book, tentatively, is a YA book in an office setting, based on my various years of summer jobs, although if it takes as long to get done as the last one did, it might end up being set on Mars or something.


Thanks to Claire for taking the time out of her busy schedule to share insight about her book and her writing process with us... and congrats again to the contest winners!

- e

Buy My Friend's Book! Even If You Win One of the Six Copies I'm Giving Away!

UPDATE 9/10: THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED AND COMMENTS HAVE BEEN TURNED OFF. EVERYONE WHO ENTERED WON, YIPPEE!

To the winners: click on the "e" icon in the upper-right corner of this blog and then send me a message through the email link so that I can get your address and send the book your way!


My friend Claire Zulkey rocks the house, and I'm really excited because her young adult novel, An Off Year, came out today. I think you all need to rush out and buy it right now. Or you can do so here... or here! See how easy I've made it for you? No excuses!

Anyway, in a week and a half or so, I'm going to not only explain all of the reasons why Claire is my hero, but also post an interview I did with her so that you can learn a little bit more about her book. In the meantime, however, here's the gist of its story: a girl named Cecily arrives on campus for her first day of college and then is like, "Um, you know what? I don't think so. Dad, take me home!" That's right, she leaves. I'm not spoiling anything because that's what happens right at the beginning. And I'm not telling you anything else!

To honor Claire's huge accomplishment, I'm running a contest starting right... NOW so that six lucky 'According to e' readers will be able to win a signed copy of An Off Year. Now, I still want everyone to go buy the book. If you win another copy you can give the one you bought away as a present and keep the signed one for yourself since Claire will certainly be mega rich and famous one day. Then you can auction off your rare signed copy of her first novel for millions of dollars and retire in luxury. All because you won a contest on this little ol' site. You're welcome, in advance.

(Before I go any further, if you're not into this contest but know someone else who would be, or who might have a teenager who'd be interested in An Off Year, send them thisaway!)

So here's what you need to do in order to win: Tell me about something memorable that happened during either your senior year of high school or your freshman year of college. I'm not looking for anything serious or personal or deep -- you should know me better than that! I AM looking for funny stories or bizarre anecdotes. And I have an expert BS Detector, so don't even try to make something up that didn't really happen. If I sense lies or untruths or trickery, you're out of the running!

Here's an example of a few things I would submit if I didn't already have a copy of Claire's book for myself that I will be making her sign:

- During my senior year of high school, for some inexplicable reason, my friends and I had an obsession with the color yellow. One day we decided to videotape ourselves going up to people in random places -- like the gas station, Bennigan's, parking lots -- that were wearing something yellow and shouting "HELLLLLOOOO YELLLOOWWWW!!!!" at them and seeing what they did. No, we did not get arrested. No, we were not drinking or on any sort of drugs. We were just weird. Yes, I still have the videotape. No, you will not ever be able to find it and blackmail me with it.

- In 1993 during my freshman year at Michigan, the basketball team made it to the NCAA playoffs. It was the "Fab Five" era with Chris Webber, Jalen Rose, Juwan Howard, Jimmy King and Ray Jackson -- before any scandals broke out. The night they won their Final Four game against Kentucky and advanced on to the final championship game, everyone streamed out of their dorms -- I'm talking thousands of people all at the same time -- and headed to a major intersection on campus in front of the student union. It seemed like a very good percentage of the 40,000 undergraduate and graduate students were there. Then, the strangest thing ever happened: everyone -- peacefully, joyously -- started singing the popular song "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty by Nature (hey, it was the early '90s) and waving their arms back and forth to the beat in celebration. It was one of the most surreal things I've ever experienced and is now one of my favorite memories from my college years. (I choose remembering that awesome night over Chris Webber calling a time-out -- that the team didn't have -- during the final game, thereby losing the championship to North Carolina. D'oh!)

See what I'm getting at? Just random stories like that.

I will close the contest at midnight on Wednesday, September 9.

An esteemed panel of judges will decide on the six best stories and I will announce the winners on or around September 13th.

Here are other rules that I've learned I better list out:

- This contest is open to U.S. residents only.

- Please keep it to one submission per person. You have some time, so think about it and make it count!

- Only entries on this blog via the comments section below this post will be considered -- Tweets or Facebook comments will not.

- Please keep it clean. I'm definitely not interested in stories about drinking, drugs, sex, yadda, yadda, yadda. And I won't publish any submissions about those things, either, so don't waste your time, dude reading this who had a reaaaalllly cool frat party story!

- Don't send anything you want kept private -- I will be publishing everything I receive (except for the stuff I mentioned above).


Can't wait to read these!

- e

Not Only am I Alive, but I've also Joined the 21st Century

So, um, yeah.

I haven't kept up with 'According to e' like I thought I'd be able to once Lost went on hiatus. But there's a good reason for my absence -- I've been swamped with freelancing assignments. I could only dream of being in this position two years ago when I decided to stop Working For The Man, so I really can't complain. Plus, my movie-related posts on redblog are available for anyone to read, so hopefully they've kept you from missing me too much.

I wanted to check in today to 1) assure you that I'm still alive and 2) give you the heads up that I'm going to be running a fun contest sometime very soon (as in, within the next week, fo' sho'), so make sure you check back within that timeframe so you can participate.

In the meantime, allow me to share a quick little rant about the fact that, because of said busy-ness mentioned earlier in this post, I had to break down and buy an iPhone. I have been without any sort of crackberry or PDA for two years AND I HAVE LIKED IT, so I was really bummed out about having to make this purchase, believe it or not. I relished being the only person riding on the bus, walking down the street, or waiting in a movie theater before the lights dimmed who wasn't manically thumb-typing away or holding something up to their ear or talking into an invisible mic. Because I used to be That Girl, and it was awful.

Oh, how quickly bad habits resurface. It took about two weeks of iPhone ownership before I was right back to where I was before I left corporate America in 2007: checking messages the moment I woke up, and while out for walks, and while waiting to be seated in a restaurant -- basically every spare second that I was away from my laptop. It's the worst. But the good thing about the iPhone is that there are some really lame -- but fun and free -- games you can download onto it, so if I play some of those then for some reason I don't feel quite as bad about having this device out in public. AND my iPod was on its last legs, so now I don't need to get a new one. AND it really is only safe and smart to have a phone on you at all times. AND... and.. hmm.

I'm sounding like a junkie trying to justify my habit, aren't I?

Anyway, more soon... as long as I can tear myself away from my iPhone. (Just kidding.)

Hope you've all been having a wonderful summer... I can't believe it's already pretty much over. Sniff.

- e