Are they or aren't they?

As if there wasn't already enough to worry about in this world, now we all must agonize over this question: "Are Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn engaged OR NOT?"

Allow me to walk you through the rollercoaster of events leading up to this question.

1) Jen and Vince begin their romance right here in The Windy City while filming The Break-Up in 2005. They both admit to loving this city (but not each other).

2) For a very long time, they deny that they are anything more than friends. Even when promoting The Break-Up, they keep their distance from each other (a la Brad and Angelina for the promotion of Mr. and Mrs. Smith).

3) In April 2006, rumors spread out of nowhere that Oprah is throwing an $8 million wedding for Jennifer and Vince. This prompts Jennifer to call into the show and deny any wedding plans, and leads to another denial by Oprah herself when Vince is on her show in May. Jennifer becomes downright snooty (Snooty? Snooty! SNOTTY? SNOTTY!) on David Letterman later that same month when he broaches the subject (to see that clip, you must scroll down and select the 5/24/06 show).

4) It was then reported that Jennifer and Vince were going to buy a suite in The Palmolive Building in downtown Chicago, but to my knowledge that never actually happened.



5) Two weeks ago, Us Weekly "broke the news" that Jennifer and Vince are now engaged. I panicked because I was busy wrapping up my stint for The Man in NYC and missed the initial flurry of activity around this announcement.

6) But then the very next day, I read in the free paper in NYC (New York Metro) that Jennifer's publicist issued an official denial.

7) So I think to myself, "Phew! I didn't miss anything. But geez, that's a pretty bad screw-up for Us Weekly!" However, I read the blog on their site, and then learn that Jennifer's publicist is infamous for denying things right up until the point they happen (including Jennifer and Brad's divorce).

8) At this point I become convinced once again that they must therefore really be engaged... Until Jennifer grants an exclusive interview (more like a tirade, really) to People magazine, completely and utterly denying that she is engaged. After reading THAT article, I think "OK, they definitely are not getting married any time soon."

9) Then I watch the semi-funny clip that she and Vince did for the Teen Choice awards, and I figure, "If they're trying to lay low with an engagement, they would not be appearing together anywhere."

OK, NO engagement. Done. Settled.

10) So imagine my near nervous breakdown when OK! arrives in the mail yesterday, with "JEN AND VINCE'S BABY JOY!!!!" blaring across the cover. Along with the sentence: "The wedding is on... and so is Jen's dream of becoming a mother."

I cannot take it. I MUST KNOW the truth. I don't even really like her, but I love my boy Vince, so I just need to know if I have to stop attempting to stalk him or not (he was in the building where I used to work a year or so ago and I made an unsuccessful attempt to see him then, and then another time when he was rumored to be somewhere near my building...).

Right now, however, I guess I am still leaning toward the "they are NOT engaged" side. I don't know why - I think that the fact that she talked about her family being all upset in the People interview is what convinced me. But then again, they could all be in on it. DAMMIT!

I will say that even though she's not one of my faves, if they aren't engaged, then I do feel really bad for both Jennifer and Vince because that would just be horrible to have all this build-up around something that hasn't even happened yet. But really, any time ANY celebrity goes on more than two dates, they are automatically next in line to get married. I guess that's part of what comes with getting multi-million dollar paychecks. Poor babies.

- e