Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Fed up.

See?  I've got the Standard Rapping Pose down!
Where do I even begin?

I knew at some point I was going to have to talk about Kevin Federline (aka 'K-Fed'), I just wasn't sure when.

I hadn't yet launched this blog when this "Federline, yo." SNL spoof commercial was aired, starring Ashton Kutcher. It still kills me - especially the very beginning: "I might look like I stink.... but I don't."

Then there was the unintentionally comedic clip on CNN when, after hearing that Britney Spears was pregnant again, my man Anderson Cooper announced that he is "not down with K-Fed." If you like Anderson, you must watch this video (less than two minutes) - to me, it is hilarious to just see him try to hide (albeit unsuccessfully) his disgust.

Another must-see video is the normally very overly-serious James Lipton, from Inside the Actors Studio, reciting "K-Fed Freestyle" on Conan O'Brien.

So wrong.  And in so many ways!And of course there's the infamous "Papozao" song which was so bad, that after much ridicule, K-Fed actually tried to back-pedal and say that the song was all a joke. He looks pretty darn impressed with it in this clip, though. I apologize in advance if that link breaks... The Powers That Be keep taking down the clip from YouTube. If you can watch it, the best part is around 1 minute and 40 seconds when he starts doing crazy hand-dance moves. I fully realize that that means you have to sit through nearly two minute of agonizingly annoying and embarrassing head-bopping. Sorry!

Not that innocent.More recently, a never-before-seen home video, most likely filmed when Kevin and Britney were planning for their dismally-rated show, Chaotic, started making the rounds. This video almost made me feel BAD for Kevin. If Britney is NOT on drugs in this clip (which I have to think she is), then I am honestly even more frightened for their children than I already was.

No one that dumb should pro-create. Harsh, but true.

But ALL OF THOSE clips were still not enough to warrant a full post dedicated to Kevin. I figured I would know the appropriate time when it came.

It has arrived.

K-Fed has finally made a national premiere of sorts, and it has been widely circulating the internet... in a BAD way. As in, "Hey, did you see how much he sucks? Check this out!" If you would like to witness the horror for yourself, watch his very recent performance (introduced by a scary-looking Britney - - girl, cover yourself UP!) at the Teen Choice awards.

Yes, unfortunately I think it is now very clear that K-Fed is not going to make much of a career for himself as a rapper. No one in the industry seems shy about declaring this, either:

"I just think we ignore him [Federline]. He's a joke, basically. I just don't think he gets it. He doesn't get that he's Britney's man and it's hard to take him seriously."
- Elliot Wilson, editor in chief of XXL magazine

"The thing that really hurts him is the fact that he's perceived as Britney's husband. You know, kinda like Britney's second - I don't even want to say second in command, but - he's like the Britney Boy. He's like Mrs. Spears, and it's kinda hard to get over that perception."
- Jermaine Hall, executive editor of King magazine

I'll take this over the cornrows.The crazy thing is, when he cleans himself up, I do not think he is a bad looking guy. Perhaps at one point he would've had a shot at modeling, at the very least. But now it seems like only the most desperate of brands would want to be associated with him.

But before his run with Britney is over... and let's all face it, it WILL be over one day, probably sooner rather than later... I just hope and pray that he bestows upon us a few more opportunities to laugh at his expense.

- e


Jill said...

The Anderson Cooper clip is HILARIOUS! Classic stuff.

Jill said...

Just thought I'd add fuel to the fire...I read this today:

"I actually got amazing-ass test scores on [my GED]," he tells GQ. "Not that it's the hardest thing in the world. But especially the math. I got pretty high test scores for the state of California." K-Fed

maikib said...

i love anderson cooper!! my favorite was when he said, 'maybe that can be his real job' when discussing his procreation overdrive. ha! too funny!