Thursday, March 27, 2008

Strange Beginnings: The Hills and The Bachelor

How much longer until The Office is back on the air? I'll even take Dirty Sexy Money.

Anyone... anyone... Bueller?

The Hills

I don't know what was worse--the latest episode of The Hills, or the fact that Mariah Carey was involved with its premiere. Mariah--you are not that young anymore, it's embarrassing that you are desperately trying to promote your new album to the young'uns. Please stop. Even though I am also too old to watch The Hills, at least I do so in the privacy of my own home. But then I write about it online. OK, so I'm a hypocrite.

While I have long bemoaned the fact that The Hills is about nothing and is perhaps the stupidest show on the air, for some reason I keep watching it. To add insult to injury, it was actually even more boring when LC and Whitney went to Paris than it usually is... how can that be?!?!

Here is the entire episode in a matter of bullet points:
- LC and Whitney once again made their generation look like a bunch of idiots when they chose to NOT follow their assigned itinerary and secured their own Crillon Ball gowns instead of picking up models' shoes like they were instructed.
- Lauren then went on to ruin her gown, which most likely cost thousands of dollars. Not only did she risk wearing it to a smoky club (on top of altering its length on her own), she left it hanging next to a curling iron and burned the fabric (after hitching it up around her waist to ride around on a moped through Paris IN THE POURING RAIN).
- While I thought the entire season was going to be set in Paris for the two girls, they were only there for like 5 days or something. And in that time, Brody apparently found himself a new girlfriend. I felt completely tricked. They were only in Paris for less than a week?!?!
- The guy that was obviously paid to pursue Lauren was absolutely ridiculous. Not only was his name Matthieu, he was in a band, constantly smoked, and wore women's tights. Because there's no way they make skinny jeans for men that fit that snugly.
- Whitney is going to leave Teen Vogue because, she, like, needs to be "one with fashion."
- Lauren chose to text and take international phone calls from Audrina rather than do her job at the Ball.
- Back in the States, after what I now realize was probably only 2 days of Heidi being gone, Spencer goes to Colorado, only to receive the cold shoulder and looks of hatred from both Heidi and her stepdad. Her stepdad was the only good part of the show. You know he wasn't acting! That dude HATES Spencer, even more than I do. Which is saying something.

At least next week everyone is reunited in L.A. And Justin Bobby will be making an appearance, hooray! How can I both despise and look forward to this show? It defies all logic.

The Bachelor: London Calling

I have not watched The Bachelor in any way, shape or form since whatever season ended in early 2003. But when I was with Miss M (who I watched it with back in the day at grad school) in NYC and we saw the promos for the latest season, I just HAD to check it out... because the guy is British and is by far the best bachelor they've ever had on the show. The women are still all pretty horrid, but he makes it worth watching.

In the premiere, a chick named Stacey totally represented Chicago by getting drunk out of her mind, swearing up a storm and passing out on a random bare mattress in a back room. That's how we roll in the Windy City! Deal with it!

No, seriously, she was awful. No surprise that she didn't make it to the next round.

In this week's episode, I was stunned once again by the women who thought it was somehow a good idea to sing for the bachelor (whose name is Matt, by the way). How couldn't that be an uncomfortable situation? Especially when one of them sang opera-style?

None of the girls seem totally normal. Either they have "stress-induced hiccups" or are double-jointed and proud of it or are the spawn of Lorenzo Lamas. It is insane--does America have nothing better to offer this British hottie? I am ashamed of my country right about now.

My husband doesn't understand how I, "a modern woman," could watch this show. He thinks it represents everything I am against... namely, women who chase after men because they think that getting married will solve all of their problems and make their life perfect. While I do admit that the contestants on the early seasons of the show seemed to have that mentality, I don't get that sense as much from the London Calling ladies. They're just insane. So it's entertaining. Watching this show, and The Hills, and The Gauntlet, and American Idol (are you getting the picture?) is my way of unwinding and clearing my mind at the end of any given day. Very few things in life take less effort or thought or energy than does watching reality TV. And so, I will keep watching. But I will also hope for the sake of Matt, who seems fairly normal and smart, on top of being impossibly gorgeous and having an awesome accent, that he ends up with NONE of those women.

- e


Anonymous said...

You must check out some hysterical bachelor recaps and random ramblings on

Anonymous said...

silly e -

the dress that Lauren hiked up and wore around Paris in the rain, riding on the back of the Vespa, was the replacement dress! Why ruin just one dress when you can ruin 2?!?

I love to hate all the same shows except replace American Idol with Big Brother. They're terrible & I love it.