Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Lord help us all.

This is my sexy look, one of three I have patented.
Paris Hilton has made it known that she wants to start a family soon. This scares the living crap out of me, because there are some people who should not procreate, and she is one of them.

I'll admit, I watched "The Simple Life" in its first season and thought it was hilarious. But both Paris and Nicole have fallen very far since then (and they were pretty low to begin with).

If you have ever seen an interview with Paris, you will know that she just giggles her way through any conversation and never has anything of value to say.

Exhibit #1 (excerpt from AP article when Paris was promoting her film "House of Wax"):
AP: So how would you describe your occupation?
Hilton: I don’t know. I’m an actress, a brand, a businesswoman. I’m all kinds of stuff.
AP: If you had to pick just one...
Hilton: An actress.
AP: So all of this — the partying, the modeling, the reality show — was just your journey to an acting career?
Hilton: Yeah, I guess.
AP: Do you read what’s written about you? Do you pick up the tabloids?
Hilton: I don’t read any of it. I just look at the pictures to see what I was wearing last week and if it was cute.
AP: Do you read blogs?
Hilton: What’s that?
AP: Um, they’re these things on the Internet where people write about news and stuff.
Hilton: No, I don’t really read anything on the Internet except my AOL mail. I don’t like people who sit on computers all day long and write about people they don’t know anything about.
AP: Paris, you just described my job.

Then there was her infamous testimony in the defamation case brought against her by an ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (I'm not even going to try to explain)...

Exhibit #2 (excerpt from an article summarizing legal proceedings and testimony from the case mentioned above):
"Asked to remember who she was with in Kabaret on the night, she tells her perplexed lawyer, Larry Stein: "I meet so many people. I don't even know some of my friends' names."
When subsequently quizzed on the last name of a companion identified as Terry, the best she is able to offer is: "It is like a weird Greek name. Like Douglas." Later in the interview, the woman whose surname is synonymous with international travel shows an astonishing ignorance of geography.
Asked whether the offending newspaper article appeared in any "UK publications", she replied: "No. There is stuff in London."
When Mr Stein pointed out that "London is a UK publication", she conceded "Right. UK. Whatever."
She then blamed her confusion about where the article might have appeared on the fact that she had spent last summer in Europe, where English-language television and newspapers were, she said, unavailable.
"I was in Europe the whole summer, and all there is is like French," she explained. "I didn't see anything because I wasn't in America.""

I rest my case.

Am I not the prettiest in pink?I was pleasantly surprised by Paris recently because her first single, "Stars are Blind," is not completely and utterly horrible. I was all geared up to totally trash it, too. Even though the video was boring, the song could've been worse and the album as a whole is actually getting fair reviews.

However, with her recent "I need to have kids soon" statement combined with her "I know I'm going to be a good mother because I'm a good mother to all of my animals" reasoning (hellloooo, does anyone remember the "Lost Tinkerbell" scandal???) is just too much.

Paris needs to stick to providing comedic relief (albeit unintentionally) to those of us who actually DO work for a living.

- e


Proud Papa said...

H I L A R I O U S!!!!

I love it.

Anonymous said...

Excellent - but to your last point, Paris just needs to GO AWAY...period! We need to stop paying attention, and just move on to other things. As someone said about her...'She is famous for being famous.' That's it.