Monday, July 31, 2006

LiLo - Still famous in 10 years? My bet: No.

Better as a redhead!News broke this week that Lindsay Lohan was ripped apart in a letter from the CEO of Morgan Creek Productions, the company producing the film she is currently working on: Georgia Rule.

I have no idea who this guy is (the CEO, James Robinson), but I already like him, because he is telling it like IT IS (even though they released another statement today saying it is "OK for her to party on her own time").

HOW RIDICULOUS is this situation?

I mean, seriously... the girl is on a downward spiral, and props to this CEO guy for calling it out. Ever since her rise to fame and her break-up with Wilmer Valderamma, who, for the life of me I can't figure out why girls think is a catch, Lindsay has been on a wild rollercoaster ride through the tabloids.

I will perform my voodoo on you and you too, will love me! - WilmerLet me now recap that ride for you - and I am well aware that I am leaving out many things:

Dramatic weight loss

I had actually been a big fan of Lindsay after seeing Mean Girls (ALONE by myself in the theater, at that!). I thought "Wow, she is really beautiful and seems like a normal person with potential to be a great actress."

Then last summer she had to go and do the oh-so-TIRED Extreme Weight Loss schtick and dye her hair bleach blond. Good God, she looked like crap. And of course there was the typical, "I'm just growing out of my baby fat!" lame-ass excuses along with "I'm just so busy that I burn all these calories every day - trust me, I eat!"

Sistah, PLEASE! There is only one way in Hollywood that you go from being "still skinny for a normal person, but acceptable in photos" to "Skeletor" in a matter of months. Apparently certain cast members of Saturday Night Live staged an intervention with her during the period of time she was practicing to host the show. Now, when the peeps at SNL think you're in trouble, you know it's bad!?!?! They don't exactly have a good record of keeping people healthy in Studio 8H.

NOT natural.Then Lindsay actually copped to bulimia in Vanity Fair, which I respected. Oh, but wait! She quickly did a complete 180 after the magazine was published and denied it?!?! Who is this girl's PR rep??? They must be fired!

Few friends in the industry

Cutey-pie DJ Qualls, who played Hurley's mousy friend on Lost and himself in Hustle 'n Flow, is not a fan of Ms. Lohan.

Nor are Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis, who notoriously shredded her to pieces in this video. I actually felt bad for her after watching it.

White Lines ain't just a song by Grandmaster Flash...

But then again, NOT REALLY. No, now that I think about it, I don't feel bad for multi-millionaire spoiled brats who have every opportunity in the world in front of them, and then screw it up by getting messed up with hard-core drugs. Yes, you read that right... just like Britney sang, Lindsay's "not that innocent!"

Read this, this and this, and tell me I'm wrong. Morgan Mayhem is a thinly-veiled reference to Lindsay, by the way. Notice the same two letters for the first and last names of the "nickname," and then remember that Morgan is LiLo's middle name...

Dumb "Mommy"

Can you please mistake me for my daughters?Perhaps the biggest problem Lindsay has is a mother who is in complete denial, on top of trying to live vicariously through her famous offspring. Dina Lohan has lashed out at Morgan Creek Productions, defending her daughter's behavior and coming close to accusing them of cruel and unusual punishment.

But I fear that Lindsay's acting chops are SO good that she has fooled even her own mother.
Check out this quote from Dina:

"Lindsay was in 105 (degree weather) saying, 'Mommy, I feel sick; like I am going to faint.' She took herself to the hospital. She has asthma and in extreme cold or heat you can't breathe."

Uh... Dina. I hate to break this to you, but: 1) When your 20-year-old daughter calls you "Mommy," she is trying to win your sympathy, remind you of when she was just a little bitty girl and distract you from the real situation... and it looks like it worked, and 2) If her asthma problem is THAT bad, why is she seen constantly chain-smoking nearly every single day? Hmmmmm?

I hope it all works out for Lindsay, I really do. I am sure it must be tough to grow up in the spotlight and be surrounded by people just trying to get a piece of her success. Her new boyfriend, Harry Morton, supposedly doesn't drink or use drugs, and she claim he's a "great influence" on her...

Sounds like she needs the help...

- e


Proud Papa said...

Ha ha ha. Check out (my cousin's site) for a little more Linsday.

Anonymous said...

too funny! I also saw Mean Girls by myself. Even funnier was there were about 10 other women there, all also by themselves. Guess we need some outreach program to connect women wanting to see 'teen' movies. That was really a good one, though, thanks to Tina Fey. And yes, it's been downhill for LiLo ever since.

Uncle Grambo said...

It's only a matter of time before an intrepid member of the stalkerazzi gets photographic proof of LiLo going to town on a pile of the BMP, Kate Moss stizz.

I'm loving the thoroughness of each of your posts, keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

I saw mean girls by myself too!!! While on a business trip...It was perfect. This recent photo of Lilo with her bloated face and dark circles...she is going downhill FAST.