Tuesday, September 09, 2008

It's Time to Panic Like It's 1999

I would like to send a shout-out to reader JJ, who gave me a reason to end my self-imposed Magic Shell Boycott last night. Since rediscovering the magical chocolate syrup in July, I'd been eating it atop a huge bowl of ice cream every single day. Until about 2 weeks ago, when I realized that I'd gained five pounds. So I swore to myself that I would not touch that beautiful brown bottle again until I was back to my normal weight.

But JJ's message to me changed all of that. He reminded me that the Large Hadron Collider is booting up tomorrow, and that the world may self-destruct. So I sure as hell am going to finish off my last stockpile of Magic Shell before that happens! My last moments might as well be happy ones, dammit! Hence, I was reunited with both the topping and ice cream last night.

If the world does not end tomorrow, I will once again resume my healthier lifestyle. Scout's honor.

Some people who are much smarter than I am, like Professor Stephen Hawking, claim that there's nothing to worry about when the LHC starts operating tomorrow. But when I hear that it's trying to "recreate the conditions present after the Big Bang," I can't help but think to myself... Is that really a good idea?

But then again, everyone freaked out about Y2K -- myself included -- and when the clock struck midnight on December 31, 1999, nothing happened. However, no one was really thinking that the Earth would suddenly be sucked into a black hole because of a glitch in some COBOL code, now did they?

The bottom line is that there's nothing we can do about the Large Hadron Collider. Those scientists are going to crank that sucker up to full-speed tomorrow and we're all just going to have to wait to see if there are any consequences.

If we survive, then just remember to make the most of the next four years, because we're all outta here for sure on December 21, 2012... right?

Edited to Add: OK, so it's been turned on and we're all still here... but it doesn't actually start smashing protons for a few months, so I'm going to continue to eat as much Magic Shell as possible until I KNOW we're in the clear.


ALC said...

No, no, no... we are out of here on December 22, 2012, the date of the alien colonization. Duh!

Spenzer said...

Wouldn't it be cool if the LHC created a black hole that would destroy earth? I mean it would kinda suck, being dead and all, but at least it's a cool death. Who gets sucked into a black hole anymore nowadays?

But seriously, nothing will happen. We're gonna find the higgs boson, prove string theory, develop the world equation and start time traveling bunnies, it's alle coming together :D

JediJohnson said...

Thanks for the shout out E. I'm gonna be famous!

My favorite part about the Hadron C is that some of the scientist also say there is a very very slim chance that "stranglets" or strange particles that may or may not exist, may be introduced during the first test. And since stranglets are particles that can travel in time (say what now?) they will travel back in time to the point of their own creation and essentially put us in a time loop that we'll never know about. Sounds like Daniel and Desmond would be interested.

I also heard on the radio today that what they want to do is send one particle in one direction at near the speed of light, and another particle in another direction at near the speed of light... So when they pass they will appear, to each other, to be traveling at nearly twice the speed of light which is impossible under our physics rules right now..........Did anyone's brain explode after reading that? I'm sorry. :D

Keep up the great work E!

Anonymous said...

Well, it will definetly not prove string theory cos that's just the thing with that theory, nothing can prove it, nothing can unprove it. Idiot safe. In every sense. And if two particles meet each other, they don't have the added speed, just as two cars who meet each other doesn't drive at 150 mph.

Jenni said...

Phew, still alive. It was kind of unnerving going to sleep last night though!

Erika (aka "e") said...

Hi everyone -

I added a note to the post this morning saying that although the machine has been turned on and all is well, it still hasn't begun smashing anything yet, so I'm not breathing easy until I know that's happened.

Yes, I agree that if you're going to die, getting sucked into a black hole is the way to go.

Regarding the "stranglets" - sometimes I already feel like I'm in a time loop, so maybe this has all happened before! In which case I really wish I could remember if I was happy with how Lost ends in 2010.

- e

JediJohnson said...

Oh yeah, I agree with you Laurence. They said it would appear as if they were, so, take that for whatever it means. I'm no scientist so I don't know. I do know however that I had a lot of Deja Vu today! Could it be... Naw.